A Heavy Wait...

 As she sat in her room meditating on all that 

had come to pass,

she realized something huge...

What she was going through, was no different then

what her parents had gone through,

and their parents before them. 

It was sad really..

All of it. 

But what was she to do with it all?

She was carrying it as a badge... 

A Badge? 

She began to remember...

The other day her inner child had mentioned to her

the song, 

Knocking on Heaven's Door. 

And as she researched the lyrics, 

there it was...

"Mama take this badge off of me

I can't use it anymore

It's getting dark, too dark to see

I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door..."

It was time.

Time to release all that she took blame for.

All that she wanted to fix.

All that she wanted to save.

It was time to admit that she wasn't God.

She couldn't fix anything.

It wasn't her job.

She realized now that she was actually really buried.

Buried deep under all that she took on herself.

She was buried

With the cow

in the well.

 

And it was getting too dark to see...

No wonder she was always feeling like life 

was boring. 

That there was nothing to live for. 

The burden she put on herself to save those she loved

was keeping her in misery.

It wasn't up to her to bring peace, love, and joy, 

to those whom she cared about. 

It was however, up to her to bring 

peace, love, and joy to her own 

mind, body, heart, and soul. 

Her life was hers.

Just as everyone else's lives belonged to them.

Just because she was a head strong, unconditionally loving

individual, 

didn't mean that she deserved to bury herself 

beneath the pains of all those she came to know.

She didn't come here to fix and work out the problems of this world.

She came here to live.

To get to know her own frequency

and play it.

 

To enjoy it. 

To shine it in a way that brought her peace and joy.

And that was the only inspiration she could 

share with all those she came to know. 

Responsibility of her own life,

 was all that she had control over. 

How she responded to the world and people

around her was also her responsibility.

Did she respond from a place of love for herself?

Or was she reacting from a place of fears?

In order to dig herself out of all the burdens she cast on herself,

this is where she needed to keep her focus always.