Hell Bent

 With Neptune and Mercury gone Retrograde

 and then Venus entering Virgo,

she could pretty much do nothing else but 

revisit her old relationships and sort out 

every minuet detail that made her trip up. 

Or down, 

depending on which way she was going...  

So she took into consideration, all of them. 

All of her boy toys and sugar daddies... 

First there was Luis... 

Luis was an old past life energetic that she couldn't quite 

pin, until the final days of yore... 

She knew something was dreaded off about him, 

But she could never quite get herself to completely

stop it. 

She would use him for his money. 

However, she was exchanging tons of her energy for a 

3 dollar beer. 

Every night she regretted staying longer than she should. 

He always promised her an Uber, but the entire

night they were hanging out, she was constantly battling his 

inappropriate gropes and grabs. 

By nights end, she was ready to collapse. 

And in the mornings, she felt so sick and tired, 

as if she had been battling a life long sickness

and barely lived to wake up. 

This guy turned out to be an old energy of 

Hades. 

And she was Persephone. 

Not choosing herself. 

But rather letting them choose for her, all because she 

believed she was dependent. 

The way she had met her next boy toy was almost like 

a runaway train... 

She was trying to unhinge herself from the 

old wrecking train known as Hades, 

and she ended up hitching up with a boy toy

 from the homeless shelter, of all places. 

Talk about a Lilith moment revisit!

Pedro was more fun though, from her view point. 

He was young and vibrant and cute, not like Luis, 

who was bald, old, and bow legged. 

Yes, judgmental was her thing... 

Quite rightly so, since she was in fact a Pisces...

However, Pedro was an utter mess!

He was arrested for three months, joined a prison gang,

 came into America by jumping 

the wall, 

was a compulsive liar, and turned out to be 

very very insecure.. 

Which come to think of it, so was Luis. 

Both guys would use the same tactic to try 

to stir emotions in her.

Her Aquarius Moon was ice though... 

That Hell hath frozen over a long long time ago,

Like a fairytale. 

 

They would both threaten to leave her. 

Abandon her..

Go.

Gone.

Poof! 

Luis would say, 

"I'm going to New York by the end of the month." 

And she would say to him, 

"Oh how great for you! Good Luck!"

Come the end of the month and he never went. 

She was pissed!

But only showed indifference. 

Same with Pedro. 

He would constantly threaten her with pictures of 

other women and say he was going to get with them. 

And when she said to him, 

"Okay, I hope it's all that you wish for."

He would then come back and call her the next day 

as if he never said it. 

She was Disgusted,

But showed only apathy. 

What was wrong with these men? 

But then it hit her! 

The iron Pan from 

Venus in Virgo!

"Girl! What is wrong with you!?" Said Venus.

"Don't you know that indifference ain't going to get you 

anywhere new?

Two jerks already gave you the chance...

Take it!"

Venus wasn't having any more of this back and forth crap.

She scratched her head... 

Ouch...

But Venus was on to something...

Why didn't she cut off these jerks as soon as they tried to come back?

Why did she let them back after a lie?

A deceptive lie? 

Oooohhhh!

And there it was... 

She was using them... 

This wasn't a real thing... 

She was playing men still to this day all because 

she was afraid to be in a relationship. 

She was afraid to open up to connection. 

So she kept using her fears to attract guys whom from the 

get go she knew she didn't even like. 

She just wanted to use them for whatever she could 

get from them. 

Take take take... 

But only give her body... 

Why?

Cuz she had no soul. 

She sold it a long time ago. 

It was time for her to give it up...

This demon 

And lay her head to rest.

Rest in Peace.

Was it really going to be that simple though? 

She was 48 years old and this all had been going back 

and forth since she was 4 years old... 

Don't leave me!

RUN!

Chase!

Beg!

Plead!

But now Venus in Virgo wasn't going to let her 

continue.

It was time for her to stop. 

To Be Continued...

 

Con Troll

 Every time she got together with a guy,

a wrong guy, 

they would drain her of all her creative potential

and time. 

Saturn wasn't happy with that. 

Each time she let go of a bit of her light, 

Saturn was there to put a halt to it. 

And if Saturn didn't scare her enough, 

then surely his father, 

Uranus,

 came bursting in like a wrecking ball!

Needless to say, 

she was now hesitant to even write this blog. 

However, 

since she had been doing her emotional processing, 

she realized that feeling hesitant, was actually a part of 

an oath. 

And oaths came from Eris... 

The Goddess of discord! 

So she decided to come back! 

Her recent experiences had been so much, that she knew 

she couldn't hold onto them much longer. 

Take yesterday for example... 

She had went into the Library to do her usual work, 

when she ran into Aries. 

She called him that, because he was not only an Aries by birth,

but he was definitely a stubborn, fast talking, loud and 

aggressive black dude as well. 

Reminded her of a ram that ran head first into everything. 

She asked him about his P.O. Experience and 

somehow knew he was going to want a beer. 

Now since Aries had a limp and lots of foot pain, 

she took the opportunity to use her magic. 

She offered to go buy him his beers so that he didn't have to walk 

all the way to the store, which he hated... 

However,

 her little magic potion came in when she add the words, 

"As long as you buy one for me too..." 

Aries was more than happy to oblige and even offered to buy 

the cute boy whatever he wanted as well.

The cute boy?!?!

Where did he come from? 

She didn't see him when going up to Aries,

 however, 

it seemed Aries could have a trick or two up his sleeves as well. 

When he went to ask the cute boy what he wanted to drink, 

he stopped and interrupted the boys answer with 

"wait, let me ask your mama..." 

And then went over to the cute boy's girlfriend. 

She laughed it off, but the tension was bubbling. 

Not by the girlfriend... 

But in the air. 

Something was off. 

There was game afoot!

Did she just open up another door to 

what she had already experienced as the wrong way!

But she couldn't help it now... 

The cute boy had popped out of nowhere!

The one with the smile. 

Why was it always the smile? 

It's like she was being reminded of something that 

used to get her in so much trouble. 

Yet,

 here she was, 

opening doors to the underworld just to see them reflected. 

But it was always on cute boys who had not yet 

become men. 

And each time she dared to engage with them, 

and avoid her own Venus calling, 

she ended up suffering the most. 

And so today, 

she awoke once again to a tick trying to 

dive head first into her right thigh. 

She caught him, but still suffered the bite. 

And so she learned... 

Finally, 

that she needed to trust more in her own Venus, 

rather than jump out and throw magic all over the place

just to get what she knew she could get on her own. 

Zap Attack

As Uranus made his way back into Gemini

for the remainder of his journey forward, 

she too was going forward into 

not uncharted territories, 

but rather a new way of living through the old 

charted ones. 

She realized that she had gotten to the bottom of the Abyss 

now and there was no way else left to go. 

So as she began swirling upward toward a new world,

she realized that her Gemini mind liked to have a 

security net. 

However, this security net 

didn't consist of love... 

Because love was connected to her feelings and her 

body's communications with her through Holy Spirit. 

 Yet, she realized that there was still a disconnect 

in play, because her security net was built on old

perceptions that her Mercury mind meshed together.

However, 

a lot of her perceptions were actually other people's experiences

and not really connected to her own internal truths. 

 And so, With Uranus in Gemini, 

all the disconnects of the faulty perceptions

 were now getting zapped. 

One by one,

 they each were coming up 

in her external interactions as she tried to move forward

 in her goals. 

One of her biggest goals was reconnecting with her 

true authentic self as well as maintain truth 

with all those whom she came across in life. 

She found that she was actually really rusty at relating. 

She would snap so quickly at external issues, 

yet, she never actually brought them in to 

work them out first. 

She was still quick draw McGraw.

She still didn't know the first thing about communicating. 

It seemed that every time she did try though, 

it was always the external person who didn't 

seem to understand what she was saying. 

Was she speaking a foreign language? 

Was her way of communicating so far off that 

no one could ever get her? 

What language was she even speaking then? 

Or perhaps!

The way she was wording what she really meant, 

was not understandable by the external person 

who was putting it together. 

This happened with her new boyfriend a lot!

When they were together, 

everything just flowed. 

Even when they would misread each others ques, 

they were able to physically solve it almost 

instantly. 

However, 

when it came to verbal communications, 

everything was a ticking time bomb 

just waiting to go off. 

Every word translated was tripping up the mine field. 

A Boom here!

A Boom there!

Good grief!

So Uranus in Gemini was going to do what,

 she thought? 

Dismantle each buried bomb? 

Or

Detonate them all quicker then ever?

She did begin to realize though, now that she had 

a more loving, calm, and emotionally mature guy,

that her Mercury mindsets security netting, 

was actually preventing her Body Mercury from 

joining forces with her and healing the false beliefs that she 

had grown up to use. 

So this was going to be a really interesting time for her. 

Learning what it meant to really relate. 

Not only with herself, but with others as well.