Admit one

 Her biggest fear 

was His Response. 

However, when she went back in time

to a place when she was standing in front of Daddy, 

and it was her time to speak her truth...

He had betrayed her. 

His hand swung quick and hit hard.

For a child of 5 or 6 years old, 

it came as a shock, for sure.

Little did she know though

, that this shock 

was going to continue to vibrate 

for years to come. 

As she sat at her computer, blogging away on 

Valentine's Day of all days... 

She realized that there was a truth that she really 

wanted to say. 

But to whom?

Her Daddy was Dead.

The very man that she always wanted to prove herself to

was gone. 

So then who was she hiding things from?

For fear that she would get hit again?

There really was no one. 

It was just her and herself. 

And of course Holy Spirit. 

Did she fear Holy Spirit? 

It was a possibility. 

But why? 

Could it be?

That she gave the Golden Key to her happiness 

over to an external spirit? 

Indeed she did. 

She finally was able to realize that she had replaced 

Holy Spirit with Daddy. 

So now, 

as she stood before Holy Spirit, 

it was time for her to speak her truth. 

Fear or not, 

it was time for her to let it all out. 

She missed her Plutonic Twin. 

All of it. 

When they had begun, 

yes,

 they were like two peas in a pod. 

Sure they were opposite energies.. 

But they had the attraction. 

The one that she knew was a forever after.

But so then what ever happened to them?

To their forever after? 

Did they not deserve one?

 To that she almost immediately knew that yes they did. 

Only for them it was a test of not time, 

but more so of a trust. 

A belief. 

A knowing. 

That what they truly felt inside was a lot stronger than 

what they always wanted and transformed themselves for 

externally. 

This Valentine's Day

she wanted to feel that love again. 

The one between the two of them. 

The one when they were in the car at a red light 

listening to music and couldn't not kiss. 

The one where they would drive off to a random city together

and just explore it together from inside out. 

She missed the times when she allowed him to lead 

and just trusted the outcome to be as great as they were together.

But then she realized something.. 

Both of them had fears. 

And each time the fears would come, they both would 

turn to external spirits... 

Mom, dad, sister, past experiences....

And each time they did, 

these external spirits would put more doubts into them 

to drive them against each other.

So yes, 

this was the inevitable... 

But was it really the end? 

Was this really all there was? 

An end? 

Or was there an 

Ever After? 

Because that is what she really desired in this lifetime. 

A Happily Ever After. 

A Lil' Frosting

Mother Nature had dropped a huge load

on her part of the world. 

It was during winter and of course she was excited 

to see some snow fall finally. 

However, the day of the snowstorm, 

not only did 

Neptune pile high almost 10 inches of snow,

but he had also reflected to her the truth 

of all that she had kept buried deep within.

This beautiful snow blanketing the town 

was actually 

one of deceit and illusion!

What appeared to be fresh fallen snow, 

was actually hard as a rock 

and freaking cold as ice!

There was no walking on it or sledding on it. 

No building a snowman

or throwing snowballs. 

It was a trick!

In the end,

 it was all just blocking life from moving forward,

just as her own internal emotions were

blocking her external life from moving on.

So, 

with Mercury moving into Pisces, she knew it was 

very much a time to begin looking at her beliefs and then 

comparing the notes to her walk in life. 

What was off?

What needed tossing?

And where were decisions needing to be made?

Where was she self-sacrificing to some sort of false belief?

With Virgo being the Virgin Maiden, 

somewhere along the line of growing up, 

her third eye had to of made some sort of 

unhinged contracts and pledged plenty of 

off the wall oaths. 

Mercury in Pisces was going to reveal it all to her, 

and she was so ready for it too. 

It was time to get unstuck from the stuck-ness

which she kept sticking her head into. 

Glee Itching

No matter how hard she tried, 

she couldn't get this one 'thing' to leave 

her alone. 

Was it an illusion delusion?

Was she imagining it?

Because it seemed that at every turn 

of her energetics hitting joy, 

this thing would just appear out of 

nowhere!

Boom!

Just like that, 

tapping her on her shoulders from behind.

Or walking in stage left 

and just staring at her until she acknowledged 

it's presence. 

Could it be real?

 

Or

was she creating it into reality with her glitch?

Her Neptunian Jupiter glitch... 

Since Neptune had made his way into Aries, 

it was her time to really choose wisely 

at what she really truly believed in. 

Which she immediately knew was

Herself.

Her energies. 

Her truth!

However, 

this illusional glitch kept showing up for her

every single time she was feeling joy 

and about to take off. 

She was ready to move her energy into her next 

endeavors and boom, there it came!

Like a witch on a broom....

To suck away all the energy she had built up. 

This glitch was definitely exhausting her every last effort.

Thus,

Finally, 

with Neptune moved into Aries, 

(which was her Rising Sign)

she was able to catch the energy creepin' about.

It was time for her to choose herself. 

To really move herself forward rather than 

allow her Mercury mind to believe in the lie

that she was taught growing up. 

That the only way to be successful was to 

throw her energy into an external thing 

in order to get a reward. 

However, that mentality belief and action, 

many times over, had proven to her that it never

actually panned out to be true. 

Especially not when it was time to come back into 

her body and feel at home. 

Which she was ready to finally achieve in the

 physical sense as well.

So now the only question remained,

 that kept her in skepticism,

 was;

What exactly was she to do now?

 

Purr-Reflection

Like a Kitty Cat that caught fire,

so was the up coming Leo Full Moon energies

boiling underneath every humans skin!

She was feeling her own energies boiling over already

and there was still two more days to go. 

Her Ego was being tested in the physical world. 

Every situation she was stepping into 

kept meeting up with her Eris energy. 

Eris the goddess of discord

 was so close to the surface for her

 that she couldn't not join forces with her.

Every day was a massive battle. 

Between her and her. 

She just wanted to run and hide. 

It was her go to mechanism.

Not to mention the drown it out technique. 

That was one of her favorites. 

Escape it all with alcohol, music, and movies!

How fun to stay in La La Land. 

But then when everything crumbled in the real 

world, she couldn't enjoy La La Land anymore.

It would turn into Hell.

Or something close to it. 

Ugh... 

What was she to do?

Holy Spirit had been telling her to just face the fear. 

The fear of finally allowing herself to be happy

 in her feminine energy.

However, such an easy task

proved quite challenging for her to even grasp,

 because it would require 

her masculine energies' 

Cooperation. 

Compliance.

Co Creation.

However, 

there was Eris... 

She stood there along with 

Black Moon Lilith

 and

 Hekate...

And the three of them taunted her Masculine energy. 

Making her always want to be right.

Want to prove her strength.

Prove her Power...

But this is where the feminine would whisper to her, 

and it was so hard to hear it too,

because she would be so far out trying to battle

the external spirit energies. 

But Holy Spirit wouldn't stop until 

the message was heard... 

The feminine message that went as such;

"You can't have power by giving it away...

Come back in... 

Come be with me. 

Stop fighting.

Do not engage.

And 

Just Trust in me". 

Could she do it though?

Would she do it?

Definitely not alone, 

she wouldn't. 

But with Holy Spirit by her side, 

She surely could. 

The time was now. 

Ready or Not! 

. 

I See You

She was trapped inside a house with a thousand and one

external spirits... 

The snow storm outside blanketing them all inside

as if they all needed to rest... 

Just calm the f**k down and chill. 

Be at peace for once. 

But could they?

Could any of them really do that?

If she herself was taught to fight for the very 

thing called life, 

then surely all of these external spirits were taught the 

very same thing, were they not?

She had to contemplate that for a second before 

refocusing back on only herself. 

As she sat quietly at the table typing away at her blog, 

she realized that if indeed refocusing on herself was 

a selfish act, 

know otherwise as Narcissism... 

or worse,

Being Self centered.

Yet,

 focusing on doing deeds in order for others

to see and accept her was known as 

the key to success, 

then what exactly was happening under the blanket 

of snow that was trapping her and a thousand other 

spirits in one house?

Why were the people going stir crazy?

Why were arguments breaking out left and right?

Shouldn't they all be one big happy family?

Why were there walls up all over the place?

Why were people going off like bombs at each other? 

Why couldn't people sit still?

As if sitting was creating a lack of opportunities to 

seize recognition and proof of their worth!

As if enjoying their time together 

was some sort of wrong doing. 

How dare they!

Something was off. 

And she knew it.

 To be continued....