The Break Down

 A few days after the Full Moon in Virgo, 

came a day she would never forget. 

Her Birthday. 

She never really understood it's importance though, 

however, she did see it as a day of reckoning. 

Where exactly was she in her life?

And just where did she want to continue to go?

As she sat at the bus stop drinking her beer, 

her son text her with a warm Happy birthday greeting. 

Her spirits lifted!

She was remembered. 

Then a few words into chatting, 

it all came to a sudden halt. 

She waited and waited for the response. 

It never came. 

She began watching facebook reels and 15 minutes into it, realized

she wasn't going to get a response anytime soon. 

So she tried again.

Still no response. 

She wrote out to her son, how she felt being left hanging.

But to no avail did even the three little ghost dots appear. 

She was left hanging. 

Again. 

This was not a first time event between her and her son. 

This was a reoccurring pattern. 

It was time for her to stop looking and feeling into her son's 

life. 

Stop worrying about hurting his feelings over her own.

Just because she was his Mom did not mean she had to take 

what she wasn't putting out.

And so she did the hardest thing ever possible...

She blocked him. 

He was 25 now,

 there was no more teaching or preaching to him.

Only accepting him for who he was in the now moment. 

She accepted him as is, but she also valued herself 

and her energetic energy level.

And so she did what she had to do in that now moment. 

And then, 

the next day, she processed her feelings around it all. 

She sent light and love out to all those whom she had come 

across in this lifetime  that did not match her values.

However, 

she also had to block them all out of her life 

because otherwise, she would stay stuck in-between

the half and half existence required 

to 

have both ways work. 

This was the hardest lesson in life that the 

Virgo Full Moon had taught her. 

Yet this time,

 she was finally ready to receive it. 

The Sure Thang

She was expecting a full blow out of wild actions

and reactions as the Virgo Full Moon neared. 

However, 

as the Virgo Moon came into it's fullness 

and now was gliding on it's way out, 

she realized there was nothing exciting about it. 

Virgo... 

What was Virgo anyways?

Besides the Virgin?

From what she always experienced, Virgo was far from

Virgin... 

But then again, there was the virginal way of living

that could have been it's real meaning.

She thought a bit more, 

and realized that Virgo was an Earth sign. 

Meaning it was tied to the body,  

the nervous system, the feelings...

But also, beliefs! 

Since Virgo was opposite Pisces, a water sign, 

which connected the Virgo body to the feet, 

she knew that at this time, a lot was going to be coming into 

alignment for everyone. 

Their ways of walking life was up for review. 

Seemed strange though that no one was exhibiting any 

signs of struggles, pains, or chaotic revelations. 

She wondered...

Was Virgo the calm before the storm?

With Pisces, the feet, the walk in life... 

but also the best escapist, 

avoidant,

 distractor, 

known to man kind... 

She knew Neptune wasn't just letting things slide. 

People the world over may have been sly enough to avoid 

and ignore all the warning signs.

However,

Neptune was, indeed, never one to let anything slide... 

He was in fact, probably waiting for the exact

opportune moment....

Being in the sign of Aries... 

Conjunct to Saturn

meant business. 

Something was about to spark!

Virgo was just the walk in the park needed in order 

to ground. 

And maybe even grab hold of a tree and hug it real tight,

because once the moon entered the next air sign, 

all that which softly stirred within the body during the 

Virgo Full Moon, 

was going to erupt like ye ol' faithful.

And she knew this for sure. 

She felt it in her bones. 

It was a sure thing. 

Create the Future Now!

 10 years ago, he had left this world. 

Nevertheless, 

10 years later, she was still unraveling his mess. 

His mess which entangled with her newly created beliefs. 

Which she continued to recreate 

time and time again,

hoping for a new start.

However, 

what she never saw underneath it all...

 was a false belief.

An illusion.

A projection turned delusion. 

All this time it was Ceres and Persephone

that continued to strike deals 

back and forth

inside her.

Half and half.

With guess who!?

Hades, The Devil, Satan, Lucifer!

Call it what you want, 

but in the end, 

Just call him, Dad. 

Father 

God. 

With all her knowing of energy and the planets,

the one thing she never thought to conceive

was the fact that the energy was playing out 

within the families she chose to be born into.

 

In this family it was Ceres and Persephone.

Mother Daughter dominion, power, control.

Yet, 

when it came to love, 

jealousy was the game. 

You can't have me if you want him. 

So you have to split. 

But meanwhile, 

because of the split, 

neither world was ever really good or joyful,

it was always 

an either or... 

Take your pick, 

Hot as Hell?

 or 

Cold as Hell?

Either way, 

it was always Hell. 

Neither felt right. 

Day needed night.

and

Hot needed cold.

The balance needed to be brought together.

and so she knew,

It was time to end this Half and Half game. 

The in between,

both sides, 

I'm just gonna stay stuck, BullSh*t!

It was a time now, 

10 years later,

 that she put herself back together

the right way. 

With Holy Spirit, she was going to rebirth 

life the way it always was before death took over.

But first she needed to remove the false belief

that nurturing herself was an external 

thing. 

Money didn't come from people. 

It was a created reflection of that which she enjoyed.

Her ability to be on this planet and feel.

Just feel and be;

 exist. 

That was the starter energy. 

Once she had mastered that, 

she would use her action energy, 

the masculine 'do energy' to do for herself all that 

the be body was feeling. 

Hunger, needing to release, needing to stretch and 

breathe slowly... 

all those required her masculine energy to take steps. 

But before she could do anything, 

Holy spirit needed activating. 

Otherwise there was no attracting the very things 

her masculine energy needed in order to fulfill the feminine 

needs, values, and desires!

So one of the most important aspects 

that she really needed to learn, grasp and use 

in this life, 

was calling on Holy Spirit before every little 

step she chose to make. 

A New Beginning

 As she was sitting in her room at the school of Life..

She opened her phone and began doing what she always had done. 

She opened up Facebook and checked out her feed. 

She saw in her stories a video of a guy who she found to be very handsome yet he was already in a relationship. 

However, in her real life,, at the shelter..

She has realized that she had a guy very similar in looks to this Facebook celebrity. 

✌️😉

She wondered..

Did she create it? 

Or

Was it a reflection of what she desired. 

Only...

She realized that if indeed it was her desires, then they needed to be more detailed to her own values. 

Because this guy, was similar in looks yet lacked what she truly wished for in a guy. 

Masculinity. 

However, holy Spirit halted her... 

"Don't be too quick to dismiss", he advised. 

"This guy did come to your table that one day,

Remember?!?! 

Then,

 he also stood behind you in line during breakfast and you saw the napkin he unfolded with his drawings...

You just overlooked it because of judgement tied to fears" . He added

So today, 

She decided to give it a shot. 

To Be real. 

So when she saw him looking at her across the room, 

She decided to smile and wave a hello. 

He smiled back. 

Then, just before she was ready to leave for the night, she saw him drawing on a napkin again. 

She walked up to him and said, 

"I saw your art earlier today, I really like it!" 

He just smiled and looked at her as she walked out. 

Will there be a continuation? 

She sure hoped so. 

But the ball was in his court. 

... 

Admit one

 Her biggest fear 

was His Response. 

However, when she went back in time

to a place when she was standing in front of Daddy, 

and it was her time to speak her truth...

He had betrayed her. 

His hand swung quick and hit hard.

For a child of 5 or 6 years old, 

it came as a shock, for sure.

Little did she know though

, that this shock 

was going to continue to vibrate 

for years to come. 

As she sat at her computer, blogging away on 

Valentine's Day of all days... 

She realized that there was a truth that she really 

wanted to say. 

But to whom?

Her Daddy was Dead.

The very man that she always wanted to prove herself to

was gone. 

So then who was she hiding things from?

For fear that she would get hit again?

There really was no one. 

It was just her and herself. 

And of course Holy Spirit. 

Did she fear Holy Spirit? 

It was a possibility. 

But why? 

Could it be?

That she gave the Golden Key to her happiness 

over to an external spirit? 

Indeed she did. 

She finally was able to realize that she had replaced 

Holy Spirit with Daddy. 

So now, 

as she stood before Holy Spirit, 

it was time for her to speak her truth. 

Fear or not, 

it was time for her to let it all out. 

She missed her Plutonic Twin. 

All of it. 

When they had begun, 

yes,

 they were like two peas in a pod. 

Sure they were opposite energies.. 

But they had the attraction. 

The one that she knew was a forever after.

But so then what ever happened to them?

To their forever after? 

Did they not deserve one?

 To that she almost immediately knew that yes they did. 

Only for them it was a test of not time, 

but more so of a trust. 

A belief. 

A knowing. 

That what they truly felt inside was a lot stronger than 

what they always wanted and transformed themselves for 

externally. 

This Valentine's Day

she wanted to feel that love again. 

The one between the two of them. 

The one when they were in the car at a red light 

listening to music and couldn't not kiss. 

The one where they would drive off to a random city together

and just explore it together from inside out. 

She missed the times when she allowed him to lead 

and just trusted the outcome to be as great as they were together.

But then she realized something.. 

Both of them had fears. 

And each time the fears would come, they both would 

turn to external spirits... 

Mom, dad, sister, past experiences....

And each time they did, 

these external spirits would put more doubts into them 

to drive them against each other.

So yes, 

this was the inevitable... 

But was it really the end? 

Was this really all there was? 

An end? 

Or was there an 

Ever After? 

Because that is what she really desired in this lifetime. 

A Happily Ever After.