Con Troll

 Every time she got together with a guy,

a wrong guy, 

they would drain her of all her creative potential

and time. 

Saturn wasn't happy with that. 

Each time she let go of a bit of her light, 

Saturn was there to put a halt to it. 

And if Saturn didn't scare her enough, 

then surely his father, 

Uranus,

 came bursting in like a wrecking ball!

Needless to say, 

she was now hesitant to even write this blog. 

However, 

since she had been doing her emotional processing, 

she realized that feeling hesitant, was actually a part of 

an oath. 

And oaths came from Eris... 

The Goddess of discord! 

So she decided to come back! 

Her recent experiences had been so much, that she knew 

she couldn't hold onto them much longer. 

Take yesterday for example... 

She had went into the Library to do her usual work, 

when she ran into Aries. 

She called him that, because he was not only an Aries by birth,

but he was definitely a stubborn, fast talking, loud and 

aggressive black dude as well. 

Reminded her of a ram that ran head first into everything. 

She asked him about his P.O. Experience and 

somehow knew he was going to want a beer. 

Now since Aries had a limp and lots of foot pain, 

she took the opportunity to use her magic. 

She offered to go buy him his beers so that he didn't have to walk 

all the way to the store, which he hated... 

However,

 her little magic potion came in when she add the words, 

"As long as you buy one for me too..." 

Aries was more than happy to oblige and even offered to buy 

the cute boy whatever he wanted as well.

The cute boy?!?!

Where did he come from? 

She didn't see him when going up to Aries,

 however, 

it seemed Aries could have a trick or two up his sleeves as well. 

When he went to ask the cute boy what he wanted to drink, 

he stopped and interrupted the boys answer with 

"wait, let me ask your mama..." 

And then went over to the cute boy's girlfriend. 

She laughed it off, but the tension was bubbling. 

Not by the girlfriend... 

But in the air. 

Something was off. 

There was game afoot!

Did she just open up another door to 

what she had already experienced as the wrong way!

But she couldn't help it now... 

The cute boy had popped out of nowhere!

The one with the smile. 

Why was it always the smile? 

It's like she was being reminded of something that 

used to get her in so much trouble. 

Yet,

 here she was, 

opening doors to the underworld just to see them reflected. 

But it was always on cute boys who had not yet 

become men. 

And each time she dared to engage with them, 

and avoid her own Venus calling, 

she ended up suffering the most. 

And so today, 

she awoke once again to a tick trying to 

dive head first into her right thigh. 

She caught him, but still suffered the bite. 

And so she learned... 

Finally, 

that she needed to trust more in her own Venus, 

rather than jump out and throw magic all over the place

just to get what she knew she could get on her own. 

Zap Attack

As Uranus made his way back into Gemini

for the remainder of his journey forward, 

she too was going forward into 

not uncharted territories, 

but rather a new way of living through the old 

charted ones. 

She realized that she had gotten to the bottom of the Abyss 

now and there was no way else left to go. 

So as she began swirling upward toward a new world,

she realized that her Gemini mind liked to have a 

security net. 

However, this security net 

didn't consist of love... 

Because love was connected to her feelings and her 

body's communications with her through Holy Spirit. 

 Yet, she realized that there was still a disconnect 

in play, because her security net was built on old

perceptions that her Mercury mind meshed together.

However, 

a lot of her perceptions were actually other people's experiences

and not really connected to her own internal truths. 

 And so, With Uranus in Gemini, 

all the disconnects of the faulty perceptions

 were now getting zapped. 

One by one,

 they each were coming up 

in her external interactions as she tried to move forward

 in her goals. 

One of her biggest goals was reconnecting with her 

true authentic self as well as maintain truth 

with all those whom she came across in life. 

She found that she was actually really rusty at relating. 

She would snap so quickly at external issues, 

yet, she never actually brought them in to 

work them out first. 

She was still quick draw McGraw.

She still didn't know the first thing about communicating. 

It seemed that every time she did try though, 

it was always the external person who didn't 

seem to understand what she was saying. 

Was she speaking a foreign language? 

Was her way of communicating so far off that 

no one could ever get her? 

What language was she even speaking then? 

Or perhaps!

The way she was wording what she really meant, 

was not understandable by the external person 

who was putting it together. 

This happened with her new boyfriend a lot!

When they were together, 

everything just flowed. 

Even when they would misread each others ques, 

they were able to physically solve it almost 

instantly. 

However, 

when it came to verbal communications, 

everything was a ticking time bomb 

just waiting to go off. 

Every word translated was tripping up the mine field. 

A Boom here!

A Boom there!

Good grief!

So Uranus in Gemini was going to do what,

 she thought? 

Dismantle each buried bomb? 

Or

Detonate them all quicker then ever?

She did begin to realize though, now that she had 

a more loving, calm, and emotionally mature guy,

that her Mercury mindsets security netting, 

was actually preventing her Body Mercury from 

joining forces with her and healing the false beliefs that she 

had grown up to use. 

So this was going to be a really interesting time for her. 

Learning what it meant to really relate. 

Not only with herself, but with others as well. 

Se7en Year Itch

 Even after she had left his deep dark abyss of a room

and forgot to leave a note, 

he still text her and wanted to keep messing with her.

 

It was only then, 

that she realized she was dealing with a narcissist.

Her energy was his supply. 

Her running on fears was his fuel. 

The enjoyment he was getting out of her anxiety

was his food. 

But the fact that it took her several days

 to finally put it in the ground

and bury it, 

simply told her that she still needed to pull up 

something deeply rooted within her. 

She knew it was tied to an insecurity of some sort 

because this bread crumby, 

love bombing, 

little dude

could only do one thing, 

and that was to assume she was cheating, 

or wanting to cheat, 

or going to cheat,

and so he had to call her out on it and then 

abandon her while she tried to explain and prove something

she never did.

Yet no matter what she would say, 

didn't matter, 

because he would never believe it anyways. 

And then it hit her!

Her father! 

When she was little, 

she had a Latino friend by the name of Johnny. 

Johnny tried to steal a toy. 

She told him no. 

 Johnny then told her to just keep an eye out. 

Meanwhile, 

her father and uncle drove by and saw them, 

and needless to say, 

accused her of trying to steal the toy with Johnny. 

And that's when he hit her straight across the face 

with his brick hands... 

Then as she cried, 

He left the room. 

Abandoning her and her emotions. 

By the time he had come back into the room, 

it was too late.

She had already sat down at the round table

with King Arthur and the rest of the knights. 

 Every word that came out of his mouth after that was 

the newly created oath she decided to sign up for. 

And with this oath, 

she keeps attracting the same type of men

over 

and

over

and over again. 

She knew it was time to go back and pull up 

all the weeds that grew around her truth. 

She was never guilty of stealing or cheating. 

But she was guilty of cheating herself out of her own truth. 

And with that came the stealing of her own heart. 

Which of course is why all the men keep calling her 

a Cold Heart B!tch!

Cuz she swore to it a long long time ago!

EvEn

The Guilt within pushed her to go to him.

She owed him for ditching him 

the day he had set up a date with her. 

So she told him she would meet him for a truce "hello". 

When she got there, 

he showed up for her drunk. 

The breath,

 that from my mystic,

reeked!

He gave her a look, like a dog did a bone. 

She played it off as his drunkenness kicking in, 

But clearly, she knew the truth. 

He was waiting... 

Waiting for the opportune moment to pounce. 

He was a tiger. 

She knew that much. 

And her astrology knowledge always came in handy 

when she decided to finally go out and date again. 

He took her to a 7-11 and allowed her to feed herself. 

"Pick anything you want my dear", he said. 

However, 

everything she wanted had a glitch. 

The slurpie machine had the cup and juice 

but no matching lid. 

The toquitos were rolling, 

but there was no sauce. 

So she took what was there and complained none. 

After they rang up and the change came into her hand, 

he took her to the beer cave in the back and picked out 

her favorite beer. 

Once they paid for it, 

he took her back to his lair. 

He showed her to his room, which when she 

stepped into in, she saw nothing but darkness and a mattress. 

On this mattress was a blanket with a lion. 

Was he about to devour her alive? 

But lo and behold, he sat her down and said, 

"Here, drink theses and stay here until I finish working."

He told her that he worked 5 to 11:30pm and that he would be 

back to chat with her some more. 

However, 

once he had left, and she began to eat her taquito 

and drink her beer... 

She saw something in the corner of the room.

 

Rope. 

Her mind began to spin!

ROPE?!

What and why does he have rope but nothing else? 

Just a bed. 

No sheets. 

Just a blanket. 

And he didn't even have a charger for his phone. 

He had asked to borrow hers. 

Who was this guy?

As much as she questioned that thought, 

she really did not want to stick around to find out. 

She finished her food and beer, 

and clocked in the next bus on her Transit app. 

And boom!

Just like that. 

She was gone. 

Again.