'To Go on an adventure',
was the idea...
'To get inspired',
was the expectation.
What did she attract though?
An ex co-worker
who wouldn't leave her alone.
Since the day they met,
he kept showing up everywhere she
would go.
The Library, the mall, Wal-Mart...
This town was getting too close for comfort.
Why wasn't this guy taking her NO
as an answer?
As 'Thee' Answer!
She made it clear to him.
Many times over now.
And then it happened.
She saw exactly why he wasn't taking
her NO seriously...
He wasn't there.
He wasn't home.
He was totally gone.
It was a demon following her around.
Trying to rob her of her joy.
Why did she believe this?
Because he showed her the device
he was going to use to smoke his drug of choice.
Fentanyl (synthetic opioids).
She wasn't stupid.
In fact, when she was younger, she was
really intrigued with learning all about drugs.
She wanted to become an undercover officer
for the longest time.
But then life changed and so did her dreams.
Seems though,
lately,
her dreams had become nightmares.
She was over it.
All of it.
As she was waiting for her bus,
another dude drove passed her trying to wave
to her.
She watched as he drove by,
but she didn't wave back.
She had blocked him for being a total
jerk on their first date yet,
here he was completely forgetting
everything that happened.
What was wrong with these kids today?
Why were they all so high and stupid?
Then she remembered...
It was not her job to fix them.
She wasn't their Momma.
She just wished their real Momma would
teach them what 'No' meant.
No meant No.
Not try harder stupid.
Either way, this was all beneath her.
She had way bigger things to figure out.
It was that time of year again,
where a new cycle would begin.
Was she going to grow this time?
And evolve?
Or was she going to take another round
around the trailer hood?
She was finally beginning to see her run around..
Every year, she would listen to
external people
and then do as she was told.
Rather than do what she believed,
or loved...
She would change for them,
all of them,
because she had believed that everyone was better
then her.
Why couldn't she see who she really was?
Why didn't she want to?
What was keeping her so far away?
Why didn't she want to love herself?
Why ask Why?
And
Just Do It!
She knew one day,
all those snappy slogans would come
to good use in her life!
So This time,
she was going to actually do it.
She was going to not quit
Even though she was slow...
She was going to win this race.
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