Drowning in my Memories...

Mars was in retrograde until the 23rd of February.

Was she going to make it?

She had hardly any energy left to keep going.

Why was she like this?

Why didn't she have a will to live?

She preached all the time about following 

the joys, 

yet she didn't ever feel hers. 

No matter what she decided to do in life, 

everything seemed like work.

Work she was tired of doing. 

Maybe it was because she grew up 

believing that joy came from other people's 

applause and approval. 

However, no one was giving her any. 

So everything she did, became a bore.

Became just another thing to do.

Do Do Do.  

Her Mars energy was all about the doing, 

yet,

 with no motivation behind it, 

Doing had become torture. 

A demand. 

And it definitely didn't spark her interest. 

But so now what?

Venus was in her house cleaning it up, 

yet, here she was ready to die. 

Would she be able to make it home again?

That was the million dollar question. 

Just the other day, 

while she was at her distraction...

Her job... 

She received a text message from

 the traitor store employee, 

where she shopped. 

They began their light-hearted conversation 

about work, then quickly headed into 

getting to know each other. 

And then that's where it happened. 

The repeat pattern. 

"I'm gonna be honest with you, I also

don't believe in astrology."

Those were his words. 

Only this time, 

she allowed herself to hear them. 

She didn't try to change him. 

 yet, she also didn't 

change herself. 

She allowed for the disappointment to 

wash over her. 

Then she looked up and admitted to herself 

that she wanted a person 

who was into what she was in to,

And so she began putting up her boundary 

lines for herself. 

Then she cleared the energy and moved on forward.

When she went to the rival store for 

groceries  the very next day,

she saw him there as she walked in. 

Only this time, she didn't say hi. 

She didn't wave. 

Instead, she went the other way. 

He took the hint clearly because when she 

finished shopping, he was no where in sight.

She rang up her items with a friendly 

cashier and headed back to 

square one. 

She was proud of herself though. 

She used to try to change people in the past.

She would use all kinds of manipulations on them.

But little did she know, 

she would always be the one to change. 

She would entangle herself in a web of lies and deceit.

Then completely lose her self and her identity. 

But then she wondered... 

If she didn't know who she was now... 

Then how could she be losing her identity with them?

Wow... 

What a twisted mess she was in. 

She needed her Venus so bad. 

But Venus was in her home sign of Aries... 

And she was drowning in Cancer. 

Maybe it was time for her to learn to swim. 

Swim in her emotions. 

and finally make sense of them. 

But tonight, 

she chose to sink.