BuRNinG Out of ControL

Some months seemed to go by super slow...

While others seemed to make her head spin!

Just like with June, 

It was already the 10th and she hadn't 

even had a chance to catch up with the first week!

Meanwhile, the Sagittarius Full Moon was already 

right up on her heels!

She was so not ready for this type of momentum.

 Sagittarius governed adventures, and truths, 

that would be revealed through the chosen actions 

that she believed were coming from who she truly was.

However, lately, everything she chose to do, 

always managed to either disappoint her, 

or 

end up going completely against her true 

wishes and desires. 

Just like the other day. 

She was all set and ready to go celebrate

her knew revelations of her own evolution, when 

she ran into 

Mr. I want to marry you even though I only knew you

one day. 

She wasn't sure if it was fear of being seen after rejecting him, 

that made her become overly nice to him, 

or if it was a desperation for communication

that made her run up and give him a hug hello.

Either way, he was happy. 

Meanwhile, she was turning down the internal dial

of her true feelings. 

He asked her, what she was going to do.

She told him she was about to go celebrate with 

a beer. 

And he was more then happy to suggest they go 

together to celebrate. 

Free beer again? 

How could she say no to that? 

Her feelings on the other hand tried to holler at her,

"Not with him no!!!"

But it was too late.

She was already in the store where they had gone 

together the last time. 

He tried to buy her the same beer, 

only this time the cashier told them, 

only the BOTTLE because the CAN was only for

'to go'.

The bottle was actually cheaper, so this made him 

feel like a winner. 

Could she then be the Loser focusing on the Winner? 

She was supposed to be the Winner focusing on her win! 

However, in this scenario, she had become the exact 

opposite.

D'oh!

"Why was she always doing this" She asked herself? 

What made her believe that using people for free

stuff was going to go down in the right way.

It was like drinking castor oil 

and expecting it to digest. 

Either way, she was already in too deep and so 

she tried her best to create an easy escape

just as she had done the last time. 

However, this time, he was not letting

 her get away that easy!

They were on their 4th bottle when along came

the devil himself. 

This dude brought over 2 more beers. 

And tried to create conversation between

the two of them. 

He began saying things in Spanish 

and she could tell that her date was getting 

really annoyed. 

He text her through the translator, 

"Let's get out of here"!

She shook her head okay and they both 

got up and left the devil right where he tried to 

push himself in.

However, this made her wonder.. 

Was this guy a wuss because he couldn't 

tell another man to go away? 

But rather he chose to Run Away? 

All of a sudden her ex came to mind. 

Crap, 

This was that repeat pattern that kept creeping up 

in every man she was attracting.

Could it be that she herself had a hard time saying No!?

Could it be that rather than her running away

like these men, 

she was running away to a different kind 

of escape, a mind escape... 

But why couldn't she say No?

Could it be that she didn't know what she 

really stood for?

Was she still doubting herself?

Could it be  that

this is exactly where she was creating her own 

self betrayal which would 

only lead her to her own death!

Or...

There was always that flip side... 

Was he secretly planning an escape too,

just as she was.. 

Only his involved getting revenge on her

for rejecting his proposal 

the first time around?

There was no doubt in her mind

that he was not capable of such deceit, 

especially since she herself was his exact reflection. 

But this is where she needed to finally 

draw a boundary line, 

first with herself...

Then with them. 

This was going to be the final test of her

ability to say No. 

The Sagittarius Full Moon needed her to 

get real, once and for all. 

And no more lying and luring. 

No more using her bag of tricks. 

There was no more space left in her anyways 

for any more deceptions. 

Any more and she was going to pop!

"Are you pregnant," they all began asking again?

The annoyance she felt every time they had asked her

was her clear sign that she needed to stop NOW!

Gluttony wasn't just about over eating...

It was also about over consuming other people's 

energy in order to feel worthy and adored.

Besides, she realized that with every free beer, 

came a huge battle to escape 

their desire to get her to break down 

her barriers. 

It was always something like, 

Let me walk you home to make sure you're safe. 

In her mind though, 

all she saw in that offer,

was trouble.