Drain Rain

It was already the second week of July 

and she was still stuck all the way back in 

April... 

What was the deal?

What was she missing? 

She had thought she was doing all this healing 

work, yet nothing seemed to be changing. 

She was still homeless.

She was still sleeping in a sleeping bag. 

She was still traveling back and forth between

three locations. 

Be it the three buses to three cities, 

or the three different buildings in one city. 

Either way, it was always all over the place. 

Nothing was ever in one place. 

Her feet were getting tired. 

It was time for her mind to listen. 

Maybe this is why all the men who were

interested in her always gave her the run around. 

It was never a real commitment they wanted. 

They were running around trying to find ways to 

only get sex from her. 

Just like the last guy, 

Mr. I wanna marry you right now. 

Funny how he wanted to call her 'love' from 

day one, yet not even two months into dating and 

just the other day,

he had cut the cord with her

 all because she wouldn't put out.  

But she knew he would be back. 

It was all a part of their manipulative tactic to scare her.

That if she didn't give sex, they would leave her. 

But the joke was on them, 

she never wanted them. 

She was clairvoyant. 

She knew from the beginning what they were after. 

So she used this knowledge to bait them 

into their own trap. 

Mr. I wanna marry you now, actually gave her

a $20 dollar bill the night of the breakup.

He was so drunk that night.

She wondered if he even knew what he was doing, 

but of course she didn't dare to 

interfere with his uninhibited

subconscious apologetic kindness either.  

It all happened on the night of Uranus moving into Gemini.

Perhaps this was the way in which 

Uranus was giving her a gifty for passing 

the test that was all about lustful external 

Venus-less desires.

Either way, it was a win win in her eyes. 

He got what he wanted,

 the breakup.

and she got the twenty. 

However, it was Friday though... 

She was all set for the reunion, 

should it actually pan out... 

Holy Spirit had already told her to totally decline 

when he did reappear. 

Which to her meant he clearly would. 

But perhaps... 

Was she manifesting his reappearance?

Could this be another repeat trauma llama?

Maybe this was where she found herself disillusioned!

Could it be that her fear of connecting to people

in an uncontrolled way, 

scared her so much that she put up a wall 

so high even superman couldn't reach it? 

And perhaps she craved the pain of abandonment

and heart break all in the name of love?

Which clearly she believed she didn't deserve...

And perhaps, 

this is what kept her cycling in her addictions,

the grief and sorrow of not being 

good enough? 

Meanwhile her Ego ran the rest of her life. 

Down to the ground... 

To the under ground. 

Something needed to be done... 

But what!?!?