Drain Rain

It was already the second week of July 

and she was still stuck all the way back in 

April... 

What was the deal?

What was she missing? 

She had thought she was doing all this healing 

work, yet nothing seemed to be changing. 

She was still homeless.

She was still sleeping in a sleeping bag. 

She was still traveling back and forth between

three locations. 

Be it the three buses to three cities, 

or the three different buildings in one city. 

Either way, it was always all over the place. 

Nothing was ever in one place. 

Her feet were getting tired. 

It was time for her mind to listen. 

Maybe this is why all the men who were

interested in her always gave her the run around. 

It was never a real commitment they wanted. 

They were running around trying to find ways to 

only get sex from her. 

Just like the last guy, 

Mr. I wanna marry you right now. 

Funny how he wanted to call her 'love' from 

day one, yet not even two months into dating and 

just the other day,

he had cut the cord with her

 all because she wouldn't put out.  

But she knew he would be back. 

It was all a part of their manipulative tactic to scare her.

That if she didn't give sex, they would leave her. 

But the joke was on them, 

she never wanted them. 

She was clairvoyant. 

She knew from the beginning what they were after. 

So she used this knowledge to bait them 

into their own trap. 

Mr. I wanna marry you now, actually gave her

a $20 dollar bill the night of the breakup.

He was so drunk that night.

She wondered if he even knew what he was doing, 

but of course she didn't dare to 

interfere with his uninhibited

subconscious apologetic kindness either.  

It all happened on the night of Uranus moving into Gemini.

Perhaps this was the way in which 

Uranus was giving her a gifty for passing 

the test that was all about lustful external 

Venus-less desires.

Either way, it was a win win in her eyes. 

He got what he wanted,

 the breakup.

and she got the twenty. 

However, it was Friday though... 

She was all set for the reunion, 

should it actually pan out... 

Holy Spirit had already told her to totally decline 

when he did reappear. 

Which to her meant he clearly would. 

But perhaps... 

Was she manifesting his reappearance?

Could this be another repeat trauma llama?

Maybe this was where she found herself disillusioned!

Could it be that her fear of connecting to people

in an uncontrolled way, 

scared her so much that she put up a wall 

so high even superman couldn't reach it? 

And perhaps she craved the pain of abandonment

and heart break all in the name of love?

Which clearly she believed she didn't deserve...

And perhaps, 

this is what kept her cycling in her addictions,

the grief and sorrow of not being 

good enough? 

Meanwhile her Ego ran the rest of her life. 

Down to the ground... 

To the under ground. 

Something needed to be done... 

But what!?!?

Up in the Air

 Uranus was only half a day away from moving all 

his stuff into Gemini, 

but the chaos was already streaming down

like a waterfall. 

As he was saying good-bye to the anorectic 29th degree,

for her,

 he was unhooking Persephone,

Goddess of the Underworld,

 out of her Pisces 12th house 

From now on, she was going to have to start 

making her own decisions. 

No more would she be allowed to half-a$$ anything

and blame the stars. 

Now when something would happen, it was 

all her fault!

HER DOING!

So she began by making her first real choice,

right here, right now. 

She decided to cut off all ties with her beer daddy. 

Not Sugar daddy, beer daddy. 

She had been using 'Mr. I wanna marry you Now', 

to get free drinks since the end of May when she first 

met him at Food Lion. 

It was now 2 months later and still she had been 

stringing him along for free beers, until July 4th!

Celebration of Independence hit her hard 

when she realized this guy wanted more then 

what she was willing to give. 

He tried to pull her into the restroom and attack her 

for what he thought was due him. 

She managed to escape his grips, 

and ran out to the party which they had been 

invited to. 

Once out there, she played it off as him just 

trying to have fun, but deep inside her, she knew exactly

what he was after. 

After the party was over, she tried to slip away,

while he was helping them clean up. 

Unfortunately, he must have seen her go, because 

not even 5 steps away from the house, 

he ran after her and caught her. 

They walked together to the nearby bar, 

where he began buying more beers. 

She began requesting songs, and dancing with him

every now and again to derail him. 

Coy as she was, she knew how to play dumb. 

He ate it all up with a spoon, 

and once he went to the bathroom, she pulled 

the plug again. 

She grabbed her back pack, and ran out the bar door

like a bat out of hell.. 

Deja vu hit her.. 

But this wasn't deja vu... 

she knew it... 

This was a repeat pattern; 

just like that of a crochet project.

She stopped at the community center and passed out. 

When she awoke at 3am, 

she walked her drunk a$$ home and swore to herself

that she would stop this nonsense. 

The next day, 

he text her like clockwork and she told him

it was over. 

But then she realized there was nothing even 

created. 

They never agreed to be boyfriend girlfriend. 

This whole mess was all a creation 

of not making a choice. 

This was her Persephone and Hades relations. 

Being too afraid to make a choice, 

was the choice. 

And it wasn't a good one. 

So she told him no more. 

Then Blocked him for good. 

But she knew, 

she would have to not only block him from the phone,

but she would also have to say "No!" directly 

to his face when he would show up 

in her neighborhood. 

No more indecisiveness. 

She swore that to herself. 

Then this morning, when she hopped on the bus, 

she saw him again... 

The boy she handed her extra water to 

a few days ago. 

He worked at the mall. 

They kept running into each other on the bus. 

He liked music just as she did. 

He even bobbed his head to the music like she did. 

She caught him sneaking peeks at her

while they would ride the bus to the mall. 

And each time they got there, he would wait 

for her to get off the bus first. 

Unlike some of the other men who dashed ahead

of her practically pushing her aside, 

this guy kindly waited and smiled at her as she said 

"Thank you."

She wondered... 

Would he make a move one day? 

If he did, 

being the romantic that she was, 

she hoped he would hand her a note...

Introducing himself and asking her to lunch

or dinner. 

And that choice, 

would be one she was happy to actually make.

To be continue... 

Contradiction Creation

She awoke this morning to a guy coming towards her. 

She looked at her phone and saw that it was 

still only 5am. 

She asked real quick, "Are you the Maintenance guy?"

He responded back what sounded like a 

yes with a foreign accent. 

But then she glanced down at his feet rapidly 

approaching her in her sleeping bag and 

she saw that he didn't have any shoes on. 

This was definitely not the maintenance man!

Once he was close enough, he sat down next to her

and started edging really close, trying to 

reach out to her. 

Feeling her space being completely invaded, 

she immediately halted his advances by saying directly, 

"Hey dude! No! I'm not a prostitute!"

She searched her half asleep brain for the 

Spanish equivalent for "Don't touch me,"

and she twisted it up a bit 

but then used the phrase regardless. 

The dude looked at her shocked. 

He pulled out his wallet and tried to hand her 

a $100 dollar bill. 

She noticed his pant zipper was down. 

No socks? 

Zipper Down?

Where the heck did this rapist pop out of? 

She quickly rejected his money and told him 

"Get out now! Or I'll call the Police!" 

"You will be deported" she added!

He got up and quickly ran out the door!

She got up, all angry and annoyed... 

Rolled up her sleeping back and cursed the guy 

for taking away her peaceful morning. 

Then she sat in the corner of the room and ate her 

morning Cherry pie for breakfast. 

Then she went off to her usual place to meditate 

over the entire situation with Holy Spirit.

Holy Spirit tried to put the energetic attraction 

together for her so she could see where she was manifesting

such fearful ideas. 

He mentioned to her that the guy before, whom she didn't 

like, yet she had continued to go against her own 

Venus values in order to get beers from, 

put the idea in her mind through one of the stories he 

concocted to lure her in.

She sensed this because when she asked him to

 elaborate on it, 'he wasn't comfortable'

was his response. 

Then why bring it up? was her thought. 

But now she saw it. 

It was him preying on her emotions and security. 

And in this way, she would have to run to him for 

saving. 

She wasn't falling for it. 

The other thing Holy Spirit had mentioned was 

the way she was chasing people who didn't 

treat her right. 

It's almost as though she was a rapist herself. 

But not of sexual body domination and control. 

But rather, an entering into other peoples' facebook pages

and clicking like on things even when they had told

her not to. 

She was not listening to their boundaries. 

She was crossing them. 

Then claiming it was because she was in love. 

But that was not Love.

She was being disobedient,

not only with other people, but also with her Venus Values. 

And so this was the only way for her to wake up!

To really see and feel what she was doing to others. 

It definitely did not feel good. 

She admitted that much. 

And she made her choice to keep her peace. 

 Only, in order to have that, 

she had to be that. 

No more being a Walking Contradiction!

Just turn the Key

 She rarely ever gets a cold, because ever since 

she began her spiritual reconnection journey, she was 

always able to catch it coming in and stopped it dead 

in it's tracks. 

That's why during the Sun conjunct Jupiter, when 

she felt a scratch in her throat, 

she knew it was time to slow down and ask her body

what was up... 

She knew that the throat represented Taurus territory 

in her body and for her that was all tied to her 

values and security in who she was. 

As well as her self esteem through using her voice

to set boundaries. 

And as she went over her previous days' experiences, 

a few things stood out. 

There was a repeat pattern of being disrespected, 

Not only by others as a reflection, 

but by herself to her self. 

She felt her body speak such hurt and pain to her.

How she continued to ignore their cries and pleads for love.

This time, 

She finally decided to listen. 

After years and decades of turning her back on them,

she finally decided to turn back. 

It was time to let go of all that she had learned 

and chose to believe. 

They weren't her beliefs. 

And she knew it hurt her to continue to carry them 

with her. 

Life was becoming way too heavy. 

She was losing all her strength trying to carry the load

everywhere she would run.

It was time to drop the bag. 

Let go of the heavy weight. 

and release all that was never hers

 To carry.

To fix.

To heal. 

It was time to Become the healer. 

The light.

The inspiration through her joys. 

No one was going to make her give it up this time.

Because she had finally learned that no one was 

more important then who God had made her. 

And all she had to do to show gratitude 

for being given a chance on earth

was to be herself. 

Her Authentic Self. 

And so during the New Moon in Cancer the day 

after the Sun Conjunct Jupiter, 

She planted a new seed to go back to being 

who she came here to be and only do 

those things which she truly enjoyed. 

And when she woke up the day after the new moon, 

her sore throat was gone! 

Just like that. 

Magic? 

Or 

Was it the true art of 

Living? 

 

 

Matter matters

 As she sat on the stairs of the local government office building

 just waiting for the bus, he came over. 

He said bye to his friend and took the time to sit down next to her. 

He reached in his bag and handed her a mini beer.

She gladly accepted it and said hi back to him. 

They began talking and the rest is history. 

Just kidding. 

She had seen him several times in the past.

 He just seemed to pop up in the same places she would go. 

It's like they had the

 same mind. 

 Same thoughts.

 Same adventures. 

And he always had the beer. 

And each time they ran into each other he always gave her 

a beer without any expectation. 

Today though,

 as they both sat on the stairs just chatting away

 in the heat of the first day of summer, 

she realized she enjoyed talking to him. 

She looked at his arms and asked him to explain 

certain tattoos that had attracted her attention. 

He was surprised that she was looking at them 

and all the while excited to answer her questions. 

However she could see it in his responses

 that he was trying to snuff the beauty

 of the stories behind his tattoos.

 But it never occurred to her to ask his sign...

 Until they got to the old school of life... 

As they walked up the hill to the building she dared to ask him then, 

"What's your sign?" 

He looked at her and said, 

"Really?"

"I'm a Pisces.. " 

She got all side swept for a second.. then recollected herself. 

"Omg!" She exclaimed! "Me too!"

And they hugged a friendly good bye as they went their separate ways.

He was 35... 

The last dude she had cut off, 

'Mr. I wanna marry you Now' 

was 56... 

Was her plutonic ex right? 

Was she a cradle robber? 

Because the 56 year old  did the same exact thing as this kid... 

So then what was the difference? 

 Energetic flow. 

Simple as that. 

 To her, the 35 year old was always happy. 

Carefree.

 And sometimes an idiot. 

Yet he didn't care what others thought. 

Whereas with the 56 year old, 

he would worry about what others thought. 

He barely laughed except in private. 

He had an external façade to protect. 

And to her that was a waste of energy. 

With the 56 year old, she always felt totally drained

 after their interactions.

 Even if they went out and danced and drank beers. 

However, with the 35 year old,

 just the conversation on the stairs,

 the bus ride to the old school of life, 

and then a small kind gesture of good bye,

 filled her up with joy. 

Even if they never got together, 

the friendship and sweet interludes,

 we're enough to spark new hopes in her. 

And that was,

 to her,

 a true connection. 

No need to try. 

Just be.