New and Re-Invent it

 It was January 2026 and every time she saw 

an astrological post, 

it kept repeating the same thing. 

To go back over the course of events that occurred 

back in January of 2022.

So she finally gave in and went back in time. 

(click the link below to go back to my blog that started it all)

https://isthisforreaoristhisjustaride.blogspot.com/2022/01/a-nightmare-fairy-tale.html

After reading over the main event of that year, 

She finally saw it! 

The shadow lurking between the real her versus who 

she had transformed into because of this fake entity claiming

to be her heart. 

She realized now, 

that if she was back in that old scenario, 

rather than staying outside her body

after being shocked and startled,

 Then joining forces with the dark knight, 

she would have come back into her body 

and rejoined forces with Holy Spirit. 

And from there she would process her surprised emotions

and all the confusions along with them... 

And then she would have communicated her truths to 

the scared little boy before her 

so that he could have made his own choices as well. 

However, because she did no such thing back then, 

Sh*t went down as it always did. 

And to this very day, 

that dark knight still comes around and tries to test her.

And each time, she gets triggered and fights back.

Rather then just speak her truth, 

she always hisses and then runs away. 

So this year... 

2026...

Will be her year to finally stop hissing. 

Stop running...

And stop trying to control everything from happening. 

Life never worked that way.

It was a fearful driving force that kept leading her into 

dead ends and destructions. 

What she really needed to practice and learn more of this year

was how to speak her truth in a feminine way. 

Connected to her true heart. 

She had finally learned that her Aries Ascendant was governed 

by Mars... 

Yet, her heart was tied to her Mars in Cancer and Venus in Pisces.

The two of them couldn't move anything forward

because her Mars in Aries was running always with an 

external spirit and latching on to external people 

for validation and acceptance. 

But this is where she had an entity squished in between...

Latching to that light she would shine that was never 

really hers. 

This is why her Plutonic Ex would call her 

A Fake. 

A Cheater.

and

A Liar. 

Because she wasn't true to herself, 

yet couldn't see it for the life of her....

Until Now.

However, 

Will she be able to do it? 

 To be real this time? 

Con-temp-late

 As she sat there on her cot in

The school of life once again, 

She began to wondered... 

Why was she so afraid to move on. 

To allow a new experience to occur? 

Why was she so scared to let life just happen? 

Was it because that's how she had gotten syphilis in the past?

She wondered... 

Why was it that when she knew she didn't want a person, 

That if she got with them, 

For the fun of it, 

That's it would cause a disease? 

Or would it? 

Cuz as she thought more and more

 about this, 

She realized that when she was with her

Plutonic ex, and she really did want him, 

She couldn't for the life of her produce

Anything healthy.

No baby. 

No relationship. 

No health.

Instead she ended up with the exact

Opposite. 

A huge overgrowth of disappointment. 

So then, 

What was she really holding so tightly to? 

There were so many options coming at her 

And to each one she would say no of course. 

Meanwhile, she was also saying no to 

Her joys. 

Kissing. 

Connecting.

Sharing. 

But why? 

If she was going to be dying soon anyways, 

Since life was not promised. 

Why not allow herself to enjoy it? 

Why not go for it?

Ugh...

Because of the after shock, 

That's why. 

She knew that was the one thing

That's could never be escaped. 

Sure there was the night of lust and passions

Shared ..

Exchanged...

Exhausted. 

But then there was also the aftermath...

The lingering questions!?!

The lingering doubts!?!

The lingering hook of what happens next!?!

It was always the worst part. 

The part that couldn't be forgotten. 

Ignored. 

Avoided. 

It was the very part

That's would always destroy her. 

And so tonight, 

As she sat on her cot, 

Contemplating whether or not to move forward with her offers...

She chose....

Her choice

Of choices...

To be continued... 

Feel No Fear...

It was the day of the Cancer Full Moon

and already there was a flood of confusion

blasting through her mind with all kinds 

of unfelt emotions dragging with them lies and fears

of all sorts. 

She knew that the only way to survive this type of

disaster was to unplug from all that was floating around, 

stop grasping for external help and escape, 

and for once and for all, 

it was time for her to feel each unprocessed feeling

and let it tell her the truth. 

The first feeling that came up was the fear of being betrayed. 

Lured into a room with kindness and a smile. 

And then once she spoke her truth, 

the punishment came like a brick to the face. 

Brick wall

water fall....

The tears ran down her face 

as he turned and walked away. 

Out the door. 

Leaving her all alone. 

Alone to cry. 

There in the darkness behind her teary eyes... 

she fell into a deep sleep. 

Snow White! Wake Up! 

Wake up!

But it was too late. 

A new Version of herself was born. 

She was no longer who she came here to be. 

She had left that behind. 

She became a he in a she body. 

She was Transformed. 

Half man half beast... 

But no more was she connected to her feminine essence. 

That was locked up in a dungeon deep inside him.

When father had come back into the room and all the tears

had run dry... 

He asked, 

"Do you know why I hit you? "

She just shook her head no in truth, 

clueless as she really was

in that new transformed version... 

And there, he gas lit her. 

Only she didn't feel it, 

she couldn't,

because she had already locked away her true self.

The one that new who she was

 and what was real through feelings. 

This new version of her knew nothing. 

And this new version of her could only listen to 

external spirits. 

She could no longer hear the cries of her soul,

the aches and pains of her body...

This new version was a superhuman. 

A God!

One that had a goal in mind and that goal was to be 

Accepted. 

Respected.

Validated.

Rewarded.

and eventually

Worshipped.

This New Version of her was a puppet to 

the King of the Underworld. 

She became a seeker,

 for the longest time,

for the chance to one day become his Queen.

She had gotten so close too,

 to this limerence idea several times,

yet realized that it could never happen. 

Because every time she had reached the doorway

that swung open backwards... 

She became aware that she was walking out... 

Not in... 

So where was she really going? 

Surely not to a castle. 

Could it be the abyss? 

The Black Hole?

The Bermuda triangle?

Or perhaps to the Land of the Lost? 

Suddenly, she remembered that when she was young, 

she watched a show called Land of the Lost. 

She didn't really like it. 

But it was on the tube. 

And her brother sat there in front of it like a zombie. 

And so she tried to do the same, but couldn't quite 

sit still. 

It bored her. 

Didn't hold her attention... 

So as she stood in the doorway, 

she finally felt a jolt. 

Wake up!

She was feeling something but couldn't quite understand it. 

Something was stirring in her. 

She got scared. 

What was it? 

What was suddenly hitting her with an ice pick 

to the back of her left ear? 

The vision of Sharon Stone came to her mind's eye. 

Basic Instinct!

Only she was stabbing her masculine energy out of fear.

Fear of connecting to an external love 

rather than coming back in and rescuing her. 

Let me out she would scream. 

But he couldn't hear her. 

So she kept stabbing him with the ice pick 

until he could no longer take it. 

He sat down and began asking Holy Spirit, 

why the pain? 

Why the left side?

What was the feminine trying to tell her? 

Holy Spirit said, 

Come back in and feel for you. 

No more do you need to feel accepted by others.

No more do you need to be heard or seen by others. 

It was you who has to see and hear your own feminine self. 

The one you locked away in a dungeon. 

Reconnect with her. 

Check in with her. 

She is your strength, and worth. 

And I bring the security and safety to move 

whatever you two want forward. 

Together, the two of you can birth 

a new life. 

A new existence.

But first you must both let go of wanting to correct 

what happened out there. 

Stop rebirthing what went wrong in order to beat it. 

That was never the answer. 

Combat is never the answer. 

Loving yourself enough to speak your truth 

by feeling everything that happens is the real answer. 

Being vulnerable was never the fault... 

Not wanting to speak your true feelings 

 because you wanted to be loved

by an external spirit was the downfall. 

Under the 'Missile' Toe?

It was Christmas day when she  

finally dared to question what she was 

always afraid to question. 

What exactly were people celebrating?

What exactly was the real meaning behind 

all this forced from guilt giving? 

To her,

 it was one thing to give when a person 

had an overflow of joyful abundance. 

However, to give because it was a specified universal

man made holiday... 

yet, the desire to give was not from an overflow, 

but rather an internal guilt wired idea... 

This really made her question what exactly was at 

the base of this idea? 

What had totally rewired everyone's brain 

to believe that if they did not do or celebrate 

this man made holiday, then somehow they were going 

against a God... 

Christ.... The son of God...

But yet, Christ was crucified by the people. 

Murdered. 

And yet, the idea of the murder was that God 

did it for a purpose to free the very people who did it. 

Guilt. 

There it Was! 

The loop.

She saw it bright as the North star! 

Christ-mas....

A mass of cult like followers of this very idea!

She knew at a very young age that she did not like

the feelings that came from this man made Holiday.

She would always see the stress on her parents faces

then the lies of being thankful for gifts 

they never wanted or needed.

The disappointments when there wasn't enough money

yet the struggle to please external people before ones own self.

Was all felt by her so loudly!

She knew that 

Christmas was the reason everyone kept sinning. 

And to sin is what connects humans to 

external evil spirits. 

Through this idea, 

they come rushing in with 

each lie being spoken, 

each self sacrifice being made,

and 

each time one would self deceive

with a false gratitude made from the belief that 

something better would happen to them later. 

Such a sad sad day she thought. 

Not for her, but for those who believed in this lie. 

However, she had finally learned, that it was not for her 

to feel bad for them. 

It was up to her to make herself feel her true joy

by always being honest with herself and what she 

enjoyed, and then actually doing them!

Like she was here. 

Blogging. 

Speaking her truth. 

. That was the gift she was truly grateful for. 

And she thanked her internal Holy Spirit for awakening

her to this truth!