Feel No Fear...

It was the day of the Cancer Full Moon

and already there was a flood of confusion

blasting through her mind with all kinds 

of unfelt emotions dragging with them lies and fears

of all sorts. 

She knew that the only way to survive this type of

disaster was to unplug from all that was floating around, 

stop grasping for external help and escape, 

and for once and for all, 

it was time for her to feel each unprocessed feeling

and let it tell her the truth. 

The first feeling that came up was the fear of being betrayed. 

Lured into a room with kindness and a smile. 

And then once she spoke her truth, 

the punishment came like a brick to the face. 

Brick wall

water fall....

The tears ran down her face 

as he turned and walked away. 

Out the door. 

Leaving her all alone. 

Alone to cry. 

There in the darkness behind her teary eyes... 

she fell into a deep sleep. 

Snow White! Wake Up! 

Wake up!

But it was too late. 

A new Version of herself was born. 

She was no longer who she came here to be. 

She had left that behind. 

She became a he in a she body. 

She was Transformed. 

Half man half beast... 

But no more was she connected to her feminine essence. 

That was locked up in a dungeon deep inside him.

When father had come back into the room and all the tears

had run dry... 

He asked, 

"Do you know why I hit you? "

She just shook her head no in truth, 

clueless as she really was

in that new transformed version... 

And there, he gas lit her. 

Only she didn't feel it, 

she couldn't,

because she had already locked away her true self.

The one that new who she was

 and what was real through feelings. 

This new version of her knew nothing. 

And this new version of her could only listen to 

external spirits. 

She could no longer hear the cries of her soul,

the aches and pains of her body...

This new version was a superhuman. 

A God!

One that had a goal in mind and that goal was to be 

Accepted. 

Respected.

Validated.

Rewarded.

and eventually

Worshipped.

This New Version of her was a puppet to 

the King of the Underworld. 

She became a seeker,

 for the longest time,

for the chance to one day become his Queen.

She had gotten so close too,

 to this limerence idea several times,

yet realized that it could never happen. 

Because every time she had reached the doorway

that swung open backwards... 

She became aware that she was walking out... 

Not in... 

So where was she really going? 

Surely not to a castle. 

Could it be the abyss? 

The Black Hole?

The Bermuda triangle?

Or perhaps to the Land of the Lost? 

Suddenly, she remembered that when she was young, 

she watched a show called Land of the Lost. 

She didn't really like it. 

But it was on the tube. 

And her brother sat there in front of it like a zombie. 

And so she tried to do the same, but couldn't quite 

sit still. 

It bored her. 

Didn't hold her attention... 

So as she stood in the doorway, 

she finally felt a jolt. 

Wake up!

She was feeling something but couldn't quite understand it. 

Something was stirring in her. 

She got scared. 

What was it? 

What was suddenly hitting her with an ice pick 

to the back of her left ear? 

The vision of Sharon Stone came to her mind's eye. 

Basic Instinct!

Only she was stabbing her masculine energy out of fear.

Fear of connecting to an external love 

rather than coming back in and rescuing her. 

Let me out she would scream. 

But he couldn't hear her. 

So she kept stabbing him with the ice pick 

until he could no longer take it. 

He sat down and began asking Holy Spirit, 

why the pain? 

Why the left side?

What was the feminine trying to tell her? 

Holy Spirit said, 

Come back in and feel for you. 

No more do you need to feel accepted by others.

No more do you need to be heard or seen by others. 

It was you who has to see and hear your own feminine self. 

The one you locked away in a dungeon. 

Reconnect with her. 

Check in with her. 

She is your strength, and worth. 

And I bring the security and safety to move 

whatever you two want forward. 

Together, the two of you can birth 

a new life. 

A new existence.

But first you must both let go of wanting to correct 

what happened out there. 

Stop rebirthing what went wrong in order to beat it. 

That was never the answer. 

Combat is never the answer. 

Loving yourself enough to speak your truth 

by feeling everything that happens is the real answer. 

Being vulnerable was never the fault... 

Not wanting to speak your true feelings 

 because you wanted to be loved

by an external spirit was the downfall. 

Under the 'Missile' Toe?

It was Christmas day when she  

finally dared to question what she was 

always afraid to question. 

What exactly were people celebrating?

What exactly was the real meaning behind 

all this forced from guilt giving? 

To her,

 it was one thing to give when a person 

had an overflow of joyful abundance. 

However, to give because it was a specified universal

man made holiday... 

yet, the desire to give was not from an overflow, 

but rather an internal guilt wired idea... 

This really made her question what exactly was at 

the base of this idea? 

What had totally rewired everyone's brain 

to believe that if they did not do or celebrate 

this man made holiday, then somehow they were going 

against a God... 

Christ.... The son of God...

But yet, Christ was crucified by the people. 

Murdered. 

And yet, the idea of the murder was that God 

did it for a purpose to free the very people who did it. 

Guilt. 

There it Was! 

The loop.

She saw it bright as the North star! 

Christ-mas....

A mass of cult like followers of this very idea!

She knew at a very young age that she did not like

the feelings that came from this man made Holiday.

She would always see the stress on her parents faces

then the lies of being thankful for gifts 

they never wanted or needed.

The disappointments when there wasn't enough money

yet the struggle to please external people before ones own self.

Was all felt by her so loudly!

She knew that 

Christmas was the reason everyone kept sinning. 

And to sin is what connects humans to 

external evil spirits. 

Through this idea, 

they come rushing in with 

each lie being spoken, 

each self sacrifice being made,

and 

each time one would self deceive

with a false gratitude made from the belief that 

something better would happen to them later. 

Such a sad sad day she thought. 

Not for her, but for those who believed in this lie. 

However, she had finally learned, that it was not for her 

to feel bad for them. 

It was up to her to make herself feel her true joy

by always being honest with herself and what she 

enjoyed, and then actually doing them!

Like she was here. 

Blogging. 

Speaking her truth. 

. That was the gift she was truly grateful for. 

And she thanked her internal Holy Spirit for awakening

her to this truth! 

In- Divid- Dual Lie

 After the Archer's Arrow shot straight through her heart, 

during the Sagittarius New Moon. 

She  knew it was finally thee time to snap back into it. 

The way she had flipped roles had finally come to full view

for her. 

She had been running in her masculine energy while 

using her feminine energies to hinge an external idea

to her heart. 

It all began way back when 

she was only an innocent, 

young, dependent, virgin maiden.

Being dependent on her father, Apollo, and her Mother, La Luna, 

She began her journey in life as a dependent child. 

Mom and Dad had become God and Goddess

rather than her own internal Sun and Moon. 

Hence, the massive downfall from Grace.

To which she wanted to escape back to by using her 

internal love to change external circumstances. 

But not through her, but rather by wanting the world to change. 

Which in and of itself came from a very deceptive energy. 

This deceptive energy was a very well know energy to most. 

This energy was known as Lilith in astrology. 

Adam's first wife in the bible. 

And to some,

 Lilith was one of Hekate's three faces

 linked to the Maiden.

It took her quite the extensive conversations with 

Holy Spirit to finally uncover the entire truth around 

Hekate and her incredible powers 

to cast spells over an entire world... 

 

The one real truth which she was finally able 

to unleash was her own part in the entire set-up.

Wanting to create an external love from the magic she held 

within...

Ended up birthing a Religion instead

which would soon 

reveal how revolutionary it really was. 

Come in!

As she began to see the truth of who she really was,

there was only one thing left that seemed to 

hinder her flow;

her Plutonic Ex. 

Plutonic because they had Pluto Square the Sun.

The sun being the creation Starter energy, 

was actually the one energy that created anything; 

Flowing or Fenced,

Smooth Sailing or Stuck,

and just basically 

Life or Death 

 situations for her and for him. 

But she was only focusing on her for right now. 

Or was she? 

This is what got her twisted. 

She couldn't for the life of her figure out why she 

couldn't just straight up let him go completely. 

It's not like he was a good boyfriend to her. 

He was very insecure. 

And he was an accuser. 

He didn't communicate, 

He didn't listen.

He blamed. 

He labeled.

He assumed.

Sure, he would carry the heavy groceries and items

to prove his manhood, 

but when it came to relating and sharing with another, 

he couldn't for the life of himself ever dare to 

trust her. 

But then again, 

she realized that with him, she had become a mother figure. 

Which she covered up for herself as being 

a teacher to some one who wasn't 'in the know'. 

But this betrayal to herself, only made the attachment

that much worse. 

Now all of a sudden she fooled herself into believing 

that without her, 

He would perish. 

But that was so not the case. 

Instead, without her tending to her own wellbeing, 

she was the one who would perish. 

Just as she had done in her past life. 

Possibly...

As she sat in front of the computer trying to un-cloud

her third eye, 

she realized she needed Holy Spirit in order to 

actually clear the run way. 

Holy Spirit chimed in gladly and helped her 

to slow down her mind which seemed to have 

run off with Mars and Jupiter. 

The two of them came back in and realized that the

 Fear (Pluto)

in both her chart and her Plutonic Ex's chart was 

indeed tied to fire and air energy. 

And they both had fears around external interactions. 

For her it was tied to a matter of speaking 

her truth only to be harmed for it by a superior.

And for him it was it was tied to an interaction in an adventure

that he was told something which seemed true 

but not really to him because if he would have put himself first, 

it would prove false. 

Yet... 

For both of them, 

what seemed to be true, was that they both had Moons

in collective signs. 

Meaning, they both had an issue with the feeling

that got trapped in their body after the external 

entanglement of energies. 

But because they were both dependent children at the 

time, they both sold out their truth in order to be 

accepted. 

Or what they believed at the time felt like acceptance. 

However... 

They both grew up learning escape and coping

 mechanisms, which for the longest time, seemed like it was 

the only way. 

Until Now.

This moment here now, known as 

The Present. 

No matter how much time or space or distance 

had fallen between them... 

Neither one of them could ever truly just 'let go'. 

Even her... 

With Holy Spirit leading her.. 

She would struggle to listen. 

And then she told herself, 

ok, I'm going to listen now. 

And she heard it. 

"He is External Spirit

and

Just because he had a similar experience or energy, 

does not make him more important than you.

You need to choose you this time."

And that's exactly when she saw the image of her father. 

Not listening to her. 

Hitting her for something she never did. 

Abandoning her while she was in shock, hurt, and crying. 

But then there it was!

Shock! 

Uranus was Shock and Neptune was Surprise!

She had never processed her shock and Surprise with 

Holy Spirit that day and instead she turned to an old 'friend'...

The friend in the shadow... 

Hekate. 

She knew Hekate from her past life. 

But she had forgot where Hekate had left her.

Until now. 

And so it was time for her to make 

her next strategic move...

But this time, she was going to go with

Her true Venus values rather then

Her fear create ones with 

 Ceres, Athena, Vesta and Juno.