Saturn was the planet of Limits and Responsibility...
And for her, he was Retrograde in her Birth chart which only
pointed to the obvious that she had a heavy responsibility to
herself.
And since it was in Leo, but sixth house.. She knew he was there
to help her prioritize her responsibilities to herself first...
To her Heart and Soul's authentic truth, especially when it came to
Romance, love affairs, joy, creativity, and self expression.
Back in March... Saturn had planted a seed...
And for her, back in March
her shadow self and spiritual Ego
had come with whips and chains and tied her up
with the lies she spoke so arrogantly
and took her for a wild ride.
Self Expression was one of the most important aspects of Truth in motion.
And she had continued to ignore her heart and soul for so long
that what had become a vision of truth for her
really wasn't the truth.
It was all an illusion..
A mirage...
A hoax...
"This is what you wanted."
echoed the words from her Plutonic Twin..
Those words really stirred her soul for some reason.
It was always those harsh one liner's that hit her the hardest...
And they followed her around until she acknowledged the feelings
they awoke within her...
Once the feelings were awoken... there was no way to put them
back to rest without comfort.
And the only comfort they seeked was the truth from her.
And so here she was today...
The Sun in Gemini was now Squaring Saturn in Pisces...
And she had been awoken by both and she had to lay it
all out on the table for them.
Her truth...
Her repentance...
Her Ego...
As she reached in her bag.. She began to pull out the truths
within her...
And she laid it out before them...
Her fear of commitment..
Her fear of losing control.
Her fear of merging with another.
Her fear of being vulnerable..
Her fear of being in her feminine...
Her fear of living.
Her fear of having fun and allowing herself to enjoy the life
God had given her.
Her fear of receiving...
There was a lot in her bag..
No wonder it was so hard for her to move forward...
To fly...
There was so much she never wanted to admit.
And learning something new, was always exciting for her,
yet, when it came time to apply it... She would freeze.
Her faith would go out the window because her Pride would step in
and not allow her to trust that God would be there to
guide her through anything.
Instead she always took the hand of Pride and allowed
him to lead her further down into her fears and regrets...
Back in March she had thought she had accomplished
self confidence and self esteem...
But she saw now that she hadn't.
She had instead isolated herself completely and began
the cycle of fear and destruction all over again.
"This is what you wanted."
It really wasn't...
It was what her Pride and spiritual Ego, that continued to
hold her captive, wished for her...
They were not to blame though...
The choice was always hers.
She just didn't allow herself to receive it.
Until today.. When the Sun shined a light on it for her.
She had to take the step to make the decision.
The decision to allow God to walk with her in everything.
Because she didn't know that she always had to make the decision
to walk with God, she was always disconnected from her courage...
Her self esteem. Her self worth..
and instead she was connected to the two Dark Shadows
that promised her security but never delivered..
.
In the Now Moment... as she looked over her life as it went
with these two in charge...
She realized it was nothing but one hell hole after another...
A constant repeat of all that she never wanted or agreed with.
But the reason she couldn't get out of the cycle was because
every time she would get to the door of courage...
She never had it...
Her faith was in Pride...
And pride only sent her back down... Never up...and out!
It was time to Repent it all.
And allow a new birth of life to happen.
This time Her Faith and Trust in God, her creator and Savior!
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