Flow and Repeat...

 Sometimes, 

it took her a little longer 

to put two and two together.

Her mind definitely didn't work like everyone else's.

She had a multi-dimensional way of thinking. 

But since she was an Aries rising... 

She always ran head first, 

then thought about the direction once

she was already lost.

 Today was one of those classic days, where Venus had 

thrown a small quiz her way, to see if she had learned anything

from 9 months ago... 

-------------------------------------

Rewind to 9 months ago...

They were living in a rabbit hole, where they both

kept chasing after the silly rabbit. 

Little did they both know, but the rabbit they were 

chasing was really not even real. 

It was a false belief, just like that imaginary friend 

children always created, in order to soothe themselves.

However, both of them knew 'better' deep within. 

But how could they get to this 'better' truth,

 especially when 

they both held so tight to that

 Pisces 

national anthem of 

Love thy externals much much more

then thyself in order to feel worthy. 

Amos had told him the night they had their falling out... 

"If you love her, and she loves you, then you guys 

have to stop drinking long enough to communicate

and connect."

Okay, so maybe he didn't say those words exactly..

But she liked to think he did, because it seemed so true. 

However, she also knew very much, 

that it wasn't just the drinking that was to blame.. 

The fear deep in her and her plutonic twin 

was also to blame.

And what false belief was this?

It all really boiled down to self worth and self confidence. 

They both believed that they didn't deserve Love.

Not from God, not themselves, and definitely not from others.

This is where they both allowed suspicion to come into their lives

disguised as a tool for protection. 

Yet, what they didn't realize, is that they both had 

jumped into the seat of pride with this evil lie. 

-----------------------------------------------

Cut back to the Here and Now... 

Scorpio... 

Suspicion..

The two words looked alike, but were actually nothing alike.

However, they definitely came hand in hand 

and could do some terribly wretched damage to any 

situation, especially a relationship. 

And this is where she was terribly failing every lesson

that kept resurfacing for her. 

But at least she was catching on to them this time, 

instead of running with them for months!

She wondered if her ex was also catching on to them?

Or was he still running amuck unconsciously?

And so here she sat tonight... 

in a new room. 

One with a kitchen and a bathroom.. 

Couch and tv..

Even a desk that she so desperately always craved!

And she wrote in her blog all about 

her tragedy. 

And yet, also a sin... 

Why? she thought?

Why was it also a sin? 

And then it hit her...

She realized that when she was suspicious,

she always lied to herself about it..

She claimed it to be ok and a form of self love

 because she was 

going to save herself by proving another person wrong with

her suspicions' evil tools. 

That's where the sin was! 

Not trusting God with her heart. 

Not communicating with others.

Not being able to be vulnerable and totally honest

with her feelings out of fear of being rejected.

She realized...

It was scary knowing that maybe

she deserved to Love herself enough to be real. 

And true to her own heart. 

But also to trust that God was always there to catch her fall.

If she didn't already know this by now... 

then she surly never would. 

And so she opened her eyes... 

Wide...

And she finally saw what she needed

to change in herself... 

And what she never should have tried to change,

and instead trusted and allowed it all to just flow...