Coming Home Once More

She was trying to manifest a forward movement for herself,

yet what she was realizing is that everything in her mind

was being manifested into her reality somehow.

With this realization and revelation, 

she realized she had some cleaning up to do.

She needed order. 

Her mind needed a huge clean up. 

So today she was going to look at exactly what she was 

sorting through. 

As she sat on a couch, 

in a huge house

full of kids... 

She wondered, where that had come from

deep within her?

As a reflection... 

She thought maybe all her life, she was picking up 

a lot of wild little inner children

looking for help and guidance.

Or maybe it was all hers..

Only at different ages. 

Where she stopped allowing herself to grow. 

And so here she was in her now moment, 

knowing that

the only way to release all of them, was going to 

be in how she decided to move herself forward. 

What mattered to her?

Peace.

Connection.

Joy.

Self Love

and 

Self Acceptance.

So, if in the now moment, she saw that she had none of that. 

Yet, the people around her did. 

It could only mean that she was giving hers away all the time. 

And That by doing that... 

She was not full.

In fact, she was still being drained. 

And if she continued to settle like this, 

she was allowing the drain to continue.

-----------------

Flashback to 30 minutes ago...

-------------------

The Scorpio guy had showed up again out of the blue

while she was waiting for a Lyft

 to come take her to her new destination.

He asked her if she remembered meeting him.

She lied and said no. 

Why did she lie?

She knew why. 

She was not happy with him. 

He had lied to her several times in their previous meeting.

He told her he had taken her home 

yet would allow her to sleep in his car.

And that he had a job for her. 

But yet he never delivered.

He had offered her a ride one time, but only under

a preconceived notion that she would

put out or submit. 

And she was disgusted by all such ideas. 

And so for her to lie to him, instead of speak her truth... 

She realized she needed to look deeper into it. 

And so this is where she had finally allowed herself 

to see it. 

The Scorpio guy was reflecting to her 

that she was always lying to herself 

about what she deserved and wanted.

She had given over her independence to 

codependence. 

Expecting people to help her and guide her. 

Lowering herself to allow their words to be 

worth more than her own. 

Making herself believe that all she was worth 

was her body and her sexual orientation. 

Where did all that come from though? 

----------------------------

And so..

Back to the 

Here and Now, 

As she sat on the big comfy couch

 typing away at her blog..

she was left to wait.

One week they had said. 

The room would be cleared out of the previous tenant.

And the room would be hers. 

This gave her one week to either just wait..

or to reconnect.

Reconnect with God and get herself grounded 

once and for all. 

In who she truly was. 

And where she truly wanted to go. 

And she began to realize... 

Home wasn't a place. 

It was her. 

She could be in a tent. 

She could be in a hotel. 

She could be on a couch in someone else's home.. 

But until she felt at home with who she truly was... 

She would never really

 BE HOME.

And as she allowed this truth to sink in...

She felt a tap on her shoulder.

The family told her they had another room she 

could stay in until the one she was to have would be ready.

And just like that, 

She was finally back HOME!