Ego Trip

 Not even two days into the Scorpio New Moon Energies

and already she was bed ridden. 

Well not so much bed ridden as she was rendered

motion-restricted...

Or perhaps even "Delayed"...

Just as her package which was on it's way yesterday,

but today rendered the term, 

"Delayed".

 

What did she do?

Where did she get off course?

Well, if she turned back in time...

To yesterday.

And she watched herself,

from a bird's eye point of view...

She saw herself riding her bicycle...

And she saw herself ride past a woman without care...

Then as she rode on the sidewalk, there was 

a guy on a bicycle going super slow. 

And so she wanted to go past him.. 

However, the grass was higher then the sidewalk

and when she tried to go around him,

her bike tire didn't make the jump.

and so somehow she twisted up and went flying!

Flying off the bike handle

and landing into the street!

A white van almost hit her but swerved around!

She got herself up and out of the street before 

any other cars had a chance to come near. 

She pushed her bike to safety and looked around.. 

The slow guy on the bicycle kept going,

 never stopped 

or even looked back at what was happening. 

The girl that she had passed and then ended up 

in the middle 

was now also walking right passed her. 

No cares, 

no "are you okay" questions. 

Just walked on by as if nothing happened. 

And so... She put her headphones back on and 

began riding her bicycle once again.. 

However, mid way to the store, her left knee was 

really hurting. 

She had to stop.

It seemed that after the adrenaline rush had left her,

 in came the truth... 

That something just happened, and that SHE SHOULD CARE.

Just because no one else did,

 she was the only one FEELING it all.

She realized that she had been doing this all her life.

Watching other people's reactions and feelings

about her and who she was and what she did.

And she made their feelings, somehow hers.

But with this huge trip...

She was realizing that it wasn't adding up.

The pain in her knee couldn't be ignored.

And so when she got home...

She made a pact with herself.. 

From now on, she was going to feel into who she was.

She was going to listen to how she truly felt. 

She wasn't going to create a false response

based on other people's own reactions. 

She wasn't going to keep her true authentic self

locked in a cage anymore.

Not allowing it to express it's truth.

It's feelings.

It's hurts and pains and disappointments.

Just like with her Plutonic Twin Flame. 

She was never happy with the third party situation.

It was never about her and him walking hand in hand. 

Somehow,

 she was always the girl that was getting tripped up and hurt

in the middle of a guy riding too slow on a bike

 and

 a girl who could care less about either one of them.

And that was not what she wanted a relationship

to be. 

Not with herself. 

And definitely not with others.