If Only...

She knew he wasn't going to let it slide. 

Not like this. 

He had to save face. 

Somehow. 

Some way. 

So he tried to save face by throwing nasty words.

He called her every name in the book. 

But she knew that deep inside him, 

it didn't do much justice. 

He knew he was losing her. 

And it scared him. 

But he didn't want to admit that. 

Especially not to himself. 

And that's why he drank and drugged himself up

so much. 

Because he felt it. 

The Knock,

The Nudge.

The Call. 

It was beckoning to him always. 

No matter how hard he fought it

It was always there.

Her face. 

But why? 

"Just like a curse, 

Just like a stray,

You feed it once, 

and 

Now it stays!

So tear me open 

But Beware!

There's things inside without a care!"

~Metallicna -  Until it sleeps~

Could it be that he had left himself too?

Just as she did?

If they in fact were Plutonic Twin Flames, 

then she did indeed believe that they had 

lived the same life in sync.

Many times over. 

Only in different circumstances. 

As she sat in front of her computer, typing away 

at the story that they lived time and time again....

She wondered, 

would they ever make it out of this 

repeat cycle alive? 

There really was only one way out. 

And she was so close. 

Could it be? 

That maybe, Just maybe.... 

It was only her, 

that was supposed to leave? 

And not just go back to what she knew... 

But altogether, 

leave it ALL for good?  

Or...

Was that all a part of the false belief she had incorporated?

"Black heart scarring darker still?

But there's no sun shining through..."

~Unforgiven  ii - Metallica~

She was beginning to understand the truth.

Finally!

"What I felt! 

What I've known. 

Turn the pages. 

Turn to stone." 

~Unforgiven II- Metallica~

It only took mastering the grand art of Feeling!

Feeling and processing of Emotions!

Once she had allowed for her feelings to flow, 

everything made perfect sense. 

The only thing that halted her though... 

Was the fact that she could not 

in any way make him want to feel his.

"New Blood joined this Earth

and quickly he's Subdued,

through constant pained Disgrace.

The young boy learns Their Rules.

With time the child drawls in.

This Whipping Boy 

done wrong.

Deprived of all HIS THOUGHTS, 

this young man struggles on 

and On His Own..."

~The Unforgiven - Metallica~

But why did she even care?

Because the truth was...

That she had fallen in Love with him. 

When she herself had fallen...

She fell farther and fell for him at the same time. 

And as she had tried to climb back out... 

She realized that she wished so hard,

 that she could save him as well. 

But she knew almost instantly, 

that it was not her job. 

And all she could do, 

was 

Send him Love. 

It would be up to him to be open to it.