Feel No Fear...

It was the day of the Cancer Full Moon

and already there was a flood of confusion

blasting through her mind with all kinds 

of unfelt emotions dragging with them lies and fears

of all sorts. 

She knew that the only way to survive this type of

disaster was to unplug from all that was floating around, 

stop grasping for external help and escape, 

and for once and for all, 

it was time for her to feel each unprocessed feeling

and let it tell her the truth. 

The first feeling that came up was the fear of being betrayed. 

Lured into a room with kindness and a smile. 

And then once she spoke her truth, 

the punishment came like a brick to the face. 

Brick wall

water fall....

The tears ran down her face 

as he turned and walked away. 

Out the door. 

Leaving her all alone. 

Alone to cry. 

There in the darkness behind her teary eyes... 

she fell into a deep sleep. 

Snow White! Wake Up! 

Wake up!

But it was too late. 

A new Version of herself was born. 

She was no longer who she came here to be. 

She had left that behind. 

She became a he in a she body. 

She was Transformed. 

Half man half beast... 

But no more was she connected to her feminine essence. 

That was locked up in a dungeon deep inside him.

When father had come back into the room and all the tears

had run dry... 

He asked, 

"Do you know why I hit you? "

She just shook her head no in truth, 

clueless as she really was

in that new transformed version... 

And there, he gas lit her. 

Only she didn't feel it, 

she couldn't,

because she had already locked away her true self.

The one that new who she was

 and what was real through feelings. 

This new version of her knew nothing. 

And this new version of her could only listen to 

external spirits. 

She could no longer hear the cries of her soul,

the aches and pains of her body...

This new version was a superhuman. 

A God!

One that had a goal in mind and that goal was to be 

Accepted. 

Respected.

Validated.

Rewarded.

and eventually

Worshipped.

This New Version of her was a puppet to 

the King of the Underworld. 

She became a seeker,

 for the longest time,

for the chance to one day become his Queen.

She had gotten so close too,

 to this limerence idea several times,

yet realized that it could never happen. 

Because every time she had reached the doorway

that swung open backwards... 

She became aware that she was walking out... 

Not in... 

So where was she really going? 

Surely not to a castle. 

Could it be the abyss? 

The Black Hole?

The Bermuda triangle?

Or perhaps to the Land of the Lost? 

Suddenly, she remembered that when she was young, 

she watched a show called Land of the Lost. 

She didn't really like it. 

But it was on the tube. 

And her brother sat there in front of it like a zombie. 

And so she tried to do the same, but couldn't quite 

sit still. 

It bored her. 

Didn't hold her attention... 

So as she stood in the doorway, 

she finally felt a jolt. 

Wake up!

She was feeling something but couldn't quite understand it. 

Something was stirring in her. 

She got scared. 

What was it? 

What was suddenly hitting her with an ice pick 

to the back of her left ear? 

The vision of Sharon Stone came to her mind's eye. 

Basic Instinct!

Only she was stabbing her masculine energy out of fear.

Fear of connecting to an external love 

rather than coming back in and rescuing her. 

Let me out she would scream. 

But he couldn't hear her. 

So she kept stabbing him with the ice pick 

until he could no longer take it. 

He sat down and began asking Holy Spirit, 

why the pain? 

Why the left side?

What was the feminine trying to tell her? 

Holy Spirit said, 

Come back in and feel for you. 

No more do you need to feel accepted by others.

No more do you need to be heard or seen by others. 

It was you who has to see and hear your own feminine self. 

The one you locked away in a dungeon. 

Reconnect with her. 

Check in with her. 

She is your strength, and worth. 

And I bring the security and safety to move 

whatever you two want forward. 

Together, the two of you can birth 

a new life. 

A new existence.

But first you must both let go of wanting to correct 

what happened out there. 

Stop rebirthing what went wrong in order to beat it. 

That was never the answer. 

Combat is never the answer. 

Loving yourself enough to speak your truth 

by feeling everything that happens is the real answer. 

Being vulnerable was never the fault... 

Not wanting to speak your true feelings 

 because you wanted to be loved

by an external spirit was the downfall.