Closing the Doors!

 As she was closing the door on all her 

past lessons, 

and only taking along with her the wisdom

she had collected, 

she realized one more thing 

that needed to be done. 

She needed to send out a heartfelt letter of gratitude

to all those whom she had happened to attract 

on her soul's long journey.

 

She had finally come to the realization, 

that each person whom she was lucky to have met in this 

lifetime, was all a reflection of something 

she was here to evolve. 

And without them, she would not have seen 

exactly where she was under an illusion, 

or in modern terms, 

a spell.

So thank you to all of you! 

Sincerely.

As for the up coming Full Moon in Taurus, 

it was going to be the moment in which 

all that she had feared

would now be activated through 

a total transformation.

However, she will have to put it to 

the test. 

By giving her life the best... 

The best of the rest of  the zest

which she possessed. 

Tick Tock BOOM!

 It was the day of the Libra New Moon, 

and she was rolling down a hill in her dump truck.

Once again, she had completely left her

Venus back in the woods and was 

running amuck with some pretty valid ideas, 

yet, it wasn't bringing her one bit of joy at all.

Instead, it was for sure dragging in a whole 

lot of anger and frustration. 

Why though? 

Was her expectation of an outcome way off?

Or was she guilty of putting an external expectation

on it rather then allowing a connection 

to be felt internally? 

Perhaps that was it! 

Because all the anger and frustration seemed to be 

coming from not receiving an external 

approval of some sort.  

But internally she was feeling quite at ease. 

Then she saw it! 

Her Nessus Retrograde in Cancer. 

The internal Betrayal!

Her internal desire to connect with Venus was 

tripped up with an external demand. 

The wires had been crossed!

No wonder she kept ruining her own stuff. 

Her own life 

Every single time! 

This morning when she awoke, she had a vision

before her of all the great apartments 

and houses and rooms she used to rent.

She would create them into magical places to be. 

And then she would destroy them 

with her own bare hands. 

There was an internal battle going on here. 

Cause she knew very well that no one was forcing her 

to end everything as soon as they got 

Great!

However, the internal cross wires were finally 

beginning to smoke and catch fire

and so she knew she needed to deactivate them! 

And soon!

Or else, everything would surly burn down

and leave only bone and ashes....

But could she do it? 

Tailored Super Ego Move

As she approached the bench outside the library,

Known as the old hangout spot. 

There she found Mikey. 

He was talking with the preachy cheating 

loudmouth masculine lady. 

The one that she had encountered the other day 

whom tried to preach God to her. 

That wasn't going to happen. 

She knew that much. 

No one was ever going to preach God to her. 

She was completely in sync with Holy Spirit now 

and no one was going to change that ever again. 

So, she shut that sh*t down as soon as it even

tried to ignite.  

But here she was, at the old bench again, 

and there Preachy lady was talking to her old pal, Mikey. 

As she sat down next to Mike, she was on standby 

and just watched the conversation between the 

two of them get heated. 

Preacher lady began yelling louder and louder... 

Mikey's foot was moving rapidly back and forth, 

trying to hold all his own rage in.

Unfortunately, little miss preachy witch got a 

little too close for comfort and Mikey shot up from 

off the bench and began to walk off. 

Preachy witch kept going at it and paid no mind

to the exit message Mikey was trying to impose, and so 

me, the third wheel, leapt off the bench too and 

went to Mikey's side. 

"Let's get a beer and leave this 3rd degree lecturer". 

Mikey was cool with it and the witch on the bench 

couldn't believe it. 

She shouted back to Mike, 

"I was talking to you and you just gonna leave me 

for her?" 

Mikey replied happily, "Yep!"

Later that night, the witch was gone and she decided 

to tell Mikey the truth. 

"Your little witch friend gave her phone number to my 

beer daddy the other day."

"Hope they live happily ever after," he replied mid laughter!

As they were both having a chuckle, in chimed a message. 

Her Plutonic Ex was once again flying off the bender.

With His insecurity leading him, he sends her a message of 

something really profane and derogatory. 

She immediately blocks him!

Just like that. 

Only this time, it came from an internal power. 

No more was she going to take upon herself other peoples'

brokenness. 

If their unhealed issues cause her harm, 

she was not going to allow them access to her anymore. 

They didn't deserve her sweet loving kindness and generosity.

Daddy was no longer in charge of her. 

She didn't have to love her abusers anymore.

She could finally go back to the true love she 

came here with and not have to lie and cheat herself 

out of attracting with it. 

And her Plutonic ex, was just an old attraction 

of daddy's abusive ways all because he was 

broken and never learned to process his emotions. 

This is exactly where

 Chiron conjunct Eris 

was finally 

revealing to her what it had taken on when she was younger. 

It was now high time to allow it to heal

and become her true power. 

Real Lies

Rage exploded out of thin air and landed 

in the very lap of the  provoker. 

She was shocked at how it just oozed right 

out of her without notice. 

Or perhaps,

 there was always a notice, 

she just never cared to acknowledge it. 

However,

 with the Aries Full moon in full bloom that night,

 her Aries Rising energy was 

not having any more of her overlooking the important things. 

The minute he tried to touch her thigh and 

slide his hand all the way up, 

she took her hand and slapped him with a mighty force! 

"I'm not a Whor3 she yelled!

Don't you ever treat me as such!"

She surprised herself with how quickly and how 

loudly those words erupted from her mouth!

He jumped back,

 looking at her all shocked!

Then he dared to beg her for just one touch. 

She was utterly disgusted. 

She almost got up and walked away, however, 

he pleaded for her to please stay. 

 She sat back down and told him, 

straight up, "you don't even know me".

"I have been the one to ask all the questions, 

and not once do you ever ask me anything about 

who I am."

He grabbed the phone...

and typed in the translator his first ever question to her...

----------.

They communicated through the translator 

because he was Spanish and didn't speak English 

very well. 

She now knew quite well that this very tiny little detail

actually put a huge strain on the relationship

from ever getting off the ground. 

But she wasn't going to lie...

The true weight that held them down from ever taking off

was because she didn't like who he was, let alone 

his direction in life. 

They had nothing in common. 

That was for sure. 

----------

When she looked at the phone which he had handed 

back to her with his first ever question for her. 

Her heart STOPPED. 

Then exploded. 

First inside her, 

then outside. 

However, when it came out of her, it came out

as a mischievous laugh. 

She thought for a second and responded ever so casually

to his clearly insecurity ridden question.

The Question;

"How many men have you slept with?"

Her response;

"None."

He looked at her all puzzled.

Then began to type his next question. 

"You have a baby, you had to have at least one?"

She typed back with a huge joker smile across her face; 

"I slept with No MEN, only Boys."

He laughed a defeated laugh and typed back, 

"So I will be the first one?"

Once again she laughed her evil laugh and responded

with; 

"If you ever make it there." 

Yet in her mind, she already knew he was Never going to see 

that light of day. 

Not with her.

He began trying to ask her for marriage. 

And she began asking him, what fear was pushing 

him so hard all of a sudden. 

He didn't understand. 

She tried to explain emotional processing to him, 

but lost him at how do you feel?

Clearly he was too far away. 

And that's why this morning when he tried to text her,

she pulled out the big guns 

and told him, 

she was finished trying to fly this plane 

off the ground. 

He tried to throw guilt on her, but she blocked him 

completely. 

No more going back. 

It was going to be on her to get beer from now on. 

No more Free Beer Daddy to torture the hell out of her

all for a few beers. 

And that is exactly what the Full Moon in Aries 

Helped her to finally do. 

To Love herself more than an External Lie. 

 

Run for it??

 The Aries Full Moon was charging straight 

at her like the Ram that he was. 

Her Aries action energies were running as 

fast as they could, yet she really had no 

idea where they were all running to. 

She had to slow down, but how? 

All she knew was to either run for the win,

or completely shut down and bury her 

head in the sand. 

However, these two flip flop energies never really

took her anywhere except for the 

exact same place she kept coming back to. 

Being Stuck. 

The homeless shelter had called her the other day

and offered her a room. 

Even though, it seemed as though there was movement offered, 

she was still very hesitant to take that next step. 

She knew that if she ran with it, 

she would lose for sure. 

But she also knew that if she didn't make a move, 

she'd miss another opportunity. 

However, what was she really going to miss? 

Rooming with 3 other people she didn't even know and

based off what 

 she already saw over at the shelter were people

who were heavily sedated and drugged for mental illnesses. 

Yet, she was supposed to see this as an opportunity? 

Who was she kidding? 

Definitely not herself. 

But so then, what exactly was she supposed to do?

Holy Spirit had already told her it was time to level up. 

That there was nothing left for her here at this resonance. 

Yet, she kept failing the tests.. 

There was something tailored in her move and she 

really needed to catch it. 

Where did her Super Ego completely go against her 

own true values? 

What tailored move did she keep making over and over again

expecting a different result?

Running with a false idea?

Not going after what she truly wanted?

But why?

What energy was behind all of this stuckness? 

Her life was like a factory she hated working. 

But whether she worked it or not, 

the factory kept going. 

So who was running the show, if not her? 

The full moon in Aries was her only hope! 

Hope that it could shine some much needed light

on her dark crumbling world.